Anger, frustration and discouragement

It has been a difficult year at work. After last year's problems and the accusations I knew this year would be hard. I felt, though, that God was directing me to stay. Running from my problems wasn't the way to solve them. I have felt bombarded all year. It seems I am embroiled in serious spiritual battle. There are day's it seems I can do nothing right. I have questioned if this job is the right thing...if I should stay...if I should change careers. I have doubted my abilities.
Depression has flirted all around. Panic and anxiety have been a plague. I felt attacked from all sides. Discouragement has been a regular occurance.
I didn't give up, though. Pushing forward, I've trusted God at every turn. There had to be an end and things would get better. God was using this to teach me, to make me grow, to draw me closer to him.
I'll admit I haven't always been good through this process. Sometime I complained because of how uncomfortable the whole thing has been. There were times when giving up would have been the easiest thing to do. There were times I grumbled. However, I continued to realize God was in control.
Yesterday was my yearly evaluation. I don't know what I expected. My boss actually asked if I wanted to be doing my job! He said I seemed 'frail' and unhappy. He suggested I might want to consider another career. He brough my health up and that I seem to get ill "a lot". He suggested I should make more of an effort to reunite the arts department.
In the end I passed my evaluation; however, I felt totally shreaded. I don't know what to do. Being a drama teacher has been amazing...teaching English has been awful. I want to be faithful. I want to be a good teacher. I just don't know. I didn't feel that he always understood or listened to what I tried to say.
It is amazing, though, how God is still in control. This morning, I opened an e-mail devotional. Elizabeth Elliot has been such a source of encouragement and teaching this year. God has continually sent me just what I needed just when I needed to hear it.

Prayer is Conflict

Prayer is no easy pastime. As I grow old I find that I am more conscious than ever of my need to pray, but it seems at the same time to become more of a struggle. It is harder to concentrate, for one thing. I was greatly helped by some private notes Amy Carmichael wrote to her "Family" (hundreds of children and their helpers, both Indian and European) in Dohnavur, South India, to help them prepare for a special day of prayer.

She quoted Paul's letter to the Colossians (2:1, KJV): "I would that ye knew what great conflict I have for you." He is referring at least in part to the conflict of prayer. The same verse is translated "how greatly I strive" in the Revised Version; "how deep is my anxiety" in J.B. Phillips; and, in the Jerusalem Bible, "Yes, I want you to know that I do have to struggle hard for you... to bind you together in love and to stir your minds, so that your understanding may come to full development, until you really know God's secret in which all the jewels of wisdom and knowledge are hidden."

Here are Amy's notes:

WITH WHAT DID I STRUGGLE?

1. With all that says to me, what is the use of your praying? So many others, who know more of prayer than you do, are praying. What difference does it make whether you pray or not? Are you sure that your Lord is listening? Of course He is listening to the other prayers but yours are of such small account, are you really sure He is "bending His ear" to you?

2. With all that suggests that we are asked to give too much time to prayer. There is so much to do. Why set aside so much time just to pray?

3. With all that discourages me personally--perhaps the remembrance of past sin, perhaps spiritual or physical tiredness; with anything and everything that keeps me back from what occupied St. Paul so often--vital prayer.

WHAT WILL HELP ME MOST IN THIS WRESTLE?

1. The certain knowledge that our insignificance does not matter at all, for we do not come to the Father in our own name but in the Name of His beloved Son. His ear is always open to that Name. Of this we can be certain.

2. The certain knowledge that this is Satan's lie; he is much more afraid of our prayer than our work. (This is proved by the immense difficulties we always find when we set ourselves to pray. They are much greater than those we meet when we set ourselves to work.)

3. Isaiah 44:22 and kindred words, with 1 John 1:9, meet all distress about sin. Isaiah 40:29-31 with 2 Corinthians 12:9,10 meets everything that spiritual or physical weariness can do to hinder. Psalm 27:8 with Isaiah 45:19 meets all other difficulties. And the moment we say to our God, "Thy face, Lord, will I seek," His mighty energies come to the rescue. (See Colossians 1:2,9.) Greater, far greater, is He that is in us than he that is against us. Count on the greatness of God. But are we to go on wrestling to the end?

No, there is a point to which we come, when, utterly trusting the promise of our Father, we rest our hearts upon Him. It is then we are given what St. Paul calls access with confidence (Ephesians 3:12). But don't forget that this access is by faith, not by feeling, faith in Him our living Lord; He who says "Come unto Me" does not push us away when we come. As we go on, led by the Holy Spirit who so kindly helps our infirmities, we find ourselves in 1 John 5:14,15 and lastly in Philippians 4:6, . It is good to remember that immediate answer to prayer is not always something seen, but it is always inward peace.

And if the day ends otherwise and we are discouraged? Then tell Him so, "nothing ashamed of tears upon His feet" [here she is quoting from F.W.H. Meyers's poem "St. Paul"]. Lord, Thou knowest all things. Thou knowest that I love Thee. "Yes, my child, I know." But don't settle down into an "it will never be different" attitude. It will be different if only in earnest we follow on to know the Lord.

Blah and Blech!!!

Today I am BLAH!!!!!! I've been sick for a week (bronchitis) and had to take a day and a half off of work (which I never do). I went back to work today...a 15.5 hour day...great. My voice is still gone and I had to use it way too much. I feel discouraged and totally used up;. My boss mentioned this evening that I "seem to get sick a lot."...great! I'm sure he'll use this against me now. Stuff just doesn't feel right right now. So much feels...well, off. Tom seems obsessed with the finances; however, I don't know what I am supposed to do. Yes, school isn't cheap; however, doing this will help in the long run. I didn't get the scholarship; however, I might get it next year. I feel guilty about spending a dollar sometimes because of school. There are times he seems focused on the debt; however, there always seems to be enough for other stuff. I'm not a wife that claims my pay is "mine" to do with as I please. I contribute the whole to our account. I work as hard as I can for the pay I receive and there are days it just doesn't seem enough.

I'm off right now and it's making the world askew. It feels like people are shoving their problems in my direction and I'm supposed to shoulder it all. Oh...and someone is stealing stuff from Drama...again.

It feels like a spiritual attack from every side. I don't know what the lesson is I should be learning. I don't know if I am being directed to move or what that direction would even be. I'm tying to trust...I'm trying to lean...I'm trying to listen...But am I?????

So, today I am BLAH!!! Today I am BLECH!!!!! Tomorrow I will put a smile on my face and wash cars so my students can have their trip to Tampa. Tomorrow will be a new day...Tomorrow has no mistakes in it, yet.

Lord??? Help!!!!!!!!

A quote for today...

We look forward to the time when the Power of Love will replace the Love of Power. Then will our world know the blessings of peace.

~William Gladstone

a quote I saw today...

Why do we let the one thing we don't have affect how we feel about all the things we do have?
Carrie Bradshaw

Hmmmmm...this could easily be a world philosophy in a nutshell.

a prayer for today....

Lord, teach me to take gladly the place You have assigned to me and to submit humbly to those over me, that I may do my part to keep the smooth and proper functioning of the body of Christ.

Who really is in charge....

Author: Elisabeth Elliot
Source: A Lamp For My Feet
Scripture: Exodus 16:6

Who is in Charge?

The people of Israel complained loudly against Moses for having brought them out into a wilderness where there was nothing to their liking. "Better to have died in Egypt!" they said.

"It was the Lord who brought you out," Moses told them(Ex 16:6-8). "It is against the Lord that you bring your complaints, and not against us."

When we are angry or offended, let us be careful to note where our real complaint lies. This person who insults me at the office or on the bus, this husband who rides roughshod over my feelings, this insensitive individual who does not understand or appreciate me--is he not one whom God has put in my life for my good? Who, after all, is really in charge?

Let us beware of rebellion against the Lord. Circumstances are of his choosing, because He wants to bless us, to lead us (even through the wilderness) out of Egypt, that is, out of ourselves. Settle the complaint with God, and it will settle other things. Be offended with God, and you will be offended with everyone who crosses your path.

Thought for today...March 10

"Being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will" (Eph. 1:11).

There is no such thing as chance as far as God is concerned.

What a comfort!!!!!!!

What I learned today...4 March 2007

Yes, I'm back to sharing devotionals. This is not because I can't think for myself, or that I don't have plenty to say! Rather it is because God brought these words across my path at exactly the right time and to exactly show me something I needed to learn. Right now I am waiting: for answers, for direction, for guidance, for a lot, actually. It seems I should continue to wait for now, and this is something I struggle with. Waiting is difficult; however, wait I shall. I will wait and pray and will be confident that the answers will come when God sees fit.

(I did change the personal pronouns from 'we' to 'I'. It isn't to diminish the authors writing but, rather, to make it more of a confessional and prayer.)

Author: Theodore Epp
Source: Strength for the Journey
Scripture Reference Genesis 27:1-17 Psalm 37:34

Impatient to Wait on God

Genesis 27:1-17

One faithless act leads to another. Having schemed to secure the birthright, Jacob deceived his father in order to secure the blessing, which was a vital part of the birthright.

Jacob needed not only the birthright from Esau but also the blessing from his father. One was of no value without the other.

Although Esau was the favorite son of his father, Jacob was the favorite son of his mother.

Isaac was making plans to pass the blessing on to his favorite son, but Rebekah was not about to have Jacob left out--especially since God had indicated the blessing was to be Jacob's. Rebekah devised a counterplot.

Rebekah's sin was that she lacked faith in God's ability. She felt she had to help God accomplish His will.

While the intended goal was legitimate, the means she used to accomplish it were not honoring to God. She thought God must be frustrated concerning His plan and, therefore, needed her help.

Some people say, "The Lord helps those who help themselves." This is not true. The truth is that God helps those who come to the end of themselves.

What I need is patience to wait on God. He is able to do everything He has said He will do, and He will always do it on time.

"Wait on the Lord, and keep his way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land" (Ps. 37:34).

A birthday poem from an on-line friend...

I got this today from an on-line friend and was really touched by it. I guess I just wanted to save it for posterity...

Shakespeare said: "the play's the thing" and G_G knows that's true,
She's teacher, coach, and cheering squad to teens who love stage too--
At monologue, dialogue, production and direction, this gal's a wiz,
Her mission's motivation, inspiration,to the coming generation in Show-Biz.
Gadget rest? you jest...she burns the midnight oil for classes at FSU,
The Mama of Drama is earning her Masters and teaching full-time, phew!
Happy Birthday G_G!!, glad you made your entrance on earth's stage,
God's writing the script of your life, hallelujah, glory and praise!
So light up the candles, ring up the curtain on the chocolate tarts,
Celebrate Gadget, we, your audience, applaud you, with all our hearts!

my Birthday...

Another birthday...another year...so much has happened, good and bad.
I sat in my office today during lunch and heard my students in my classroom. I had been "banished" to my office until they told me it was OK to return. They were laughing and having fun. They were decorating my room with crape paper and a balloon. One had gotten me a cake (with purple icing!!!!!) and a package of Twizzlers and a package of Twix. They had purple 'My little pony" plates and a Disney princess balloon. They didn't have matches to light candles (especially a 29!) so they improvised with cell phones that they snapped shut after singing to me and having me "blow out the candles"! Several of them got me cards and one made me a card. One gave me a glass penguin and another won a pink teddy bear for me (it was the first thing she had ever won). It was, without a doubt, some of the sweetest things someone could have done. They gave of themselves completely and without reservation. They remembered to tell me "Happy Birthday" and sent MySpace messages and comments...they gave me hugs. They are amazing...I can't imagine a life without the blessings of these kids
Through an online Message Board I belong to I've received well wishes, e-mails, prayers and even a poem! They have embraced me and accept me for who I am.
By contrast, I almost got 'run over' by someone I used to consider a friend...he didn't even say 'excuse me' when he pushed past...he really has gotten to be a JERK!!! My principal put a card in my box and put a note from Applebee's "good for $5" in the card; however, it was for a March Student of the Month...which had been crossed out and "Feb birthday" had been scrawled in. It felt like something expected...like it was something he "had" to do...
Then there was the FCAT...first day of the testing. Administrating...again. I don't like the FCAT, and I don't like administrating.
Ah well...it is a year full of promise. I am excited to see what God has to reveal to me this year. (is praying for a new job a bad thing?????)

The reason I do my job (aka "I Win")

The weekend was...good; however, it was discouraging. Maybe in a few days I can write about it. In the mean time, here is something one of the students who went this weekend wrote and posted. In the midst of my discouragement, her words reminded me of why I do my job and that success isn't always measured by scores or the accolades of the crowds but in how my students feel about the job they did. Indeed, they won.

3793

I just want to let all of you know how much fun I had this weekend.You are all amazing!!Some of the nicest people I have met in a long time.Even though I am an authentic chorus kid you all welcomed me in and I am glad to have made some new friends.In fact spending this weekend with all of you has made me want to do more stuff with drama.Saturday was the first time I have ever had to act while singing.I thought it would be 10times harder but being comfortable with the people watching really helped.I am proud of all of you for your performance on Friday and I think you deserved way more than what was given.You have converted me from strictly a chorus geek to a chorus/theatre geek.

P.S

how you doin?

The Cast and crew of "The Winner". They are my heros and, no matter what anyone else says, they are Superior Winners in my book


Me with my seniors. They amaze me and "because I knew 'them' I have been changed for good".


The juniors...I am in awe of what they are capable of doing.


The sophomores...though there were but 3 this year; their talent, beauty and potential is incredible.


The freshmen...the future


Am I am blessed with besutiful children, or what???? They may not be mine biologically; yet, they are mine in my heart. Indeed, I have a quiver-full. I wonder, at times, if they know how much they have taught me??? Their capacity to love, encourage, perform, create, teach, learn, share and more knows no bounds.

A recent article by my brother

It is amazing the ways my brother has changed over the last 10 years. If anyone had told him his senior year he would still be in school and would be working on a PhD, I doubt he would have believed it. Ten years ago, John was coming out of a "slacker" phase. High school wasn't the greatest experience for John. Then God got ahold of him. Those 6 words don't really begin to explain his story...which is his to tell...but they do show a lot. John was radically changed. That isn't to say he wasn't already a pretty amazing person, but I am a bit biased. He is one of the most interesting, creative, fun, loving, caring, enthusiastic, radical, goofy people I know (and that is saying a lot!).

John is currently living in Edinburgh, Scotland. Yeah...I'm a little jealous. I would love to be able to live in England or Scotland for at least a year or so! (hmmmmm...God, could you open that door???). I am excited that he is having such amazing experiences. It's hard being this far away from him, though. While things are far from easy for him, the doors do seem to be tumbing open and God is directing his paths.

He recently published an article on John Owen. (John Owen is the Reformer John is focused on in his PhD writings) I have to laugh that John is so captured by the Reformation. In my 'world' the Reformation is a paragraph or so of information...the Reformers weren't exactly know for their advancements in theatre. The reformers closed the theatres...deeming them 'immoral' once again. So...John can have the reformers and I'll take Shakespeare...the Restoration...the Greeks...the Romans...19th Century...you get the idea. I guess we can come together on the Liturgical Drama...lol.

Here's the link to his article...

A thought from MLK of MLK

If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause and say, here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well.

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

I don't know if I could say anything more on this one.

More thoughts from Elizabeth Elliot, this time on Spontaneity

Carlyle wrote of nineteen-to-twenty-five-year-old youths that they had reached "the maximum of detestability." We have been telling ourselves that youth is beautiful and spontaneity one of the most beautiful things about youth. I wonder if spontaneity is not sometimes a euphemism for laziness--an indulgence which Carlyle found in youth. Isn't it much easier not to prepare one's mind and heart, not to premeditate, simply to have things (O, vacuous word!) "unstructured"?

If you leave a thing altogether alone in hopes that it will happen all by itself, the chances are it never will. Who learns to play the piano, wins an election, or loses weight spontaneously?

I have just read Jean Nidetch's book on the Weight Watchers, and while it is obvious that her basic theme (that people get fat because they eat) is hardly a world-shaking discovery, her method is one that made her a millionaire: get people to work at their problems together. Reducing doesn't just happen. It isn't a thing the majority succeed in doing all by themselves.

She doesn't let them make up their own diet as they go along--that's what put the fat on them in the first place. She doesn't suggest that losing weight is best done when you feel like it. She doesn't even say that it works only if you are being "yourself."

In fact, I was reminded throughout the book of how many analogies there are between losing weight and practicing Christianity. There are rules to obey. You will to obey them. Some people insist that the devotional life is somehow purer
or better if it is pursued only when we feel like it. Worship for some is thought to be an "experience" rather than an act. Losing weight is also an experience--there's no doubt about that--in fact, the expression "being born again" occurs in the testimonies of those who have done it. But losing weight most certainly has to begin with an act.

It is an act of the will. You decide to do this and not to do that. You must arrange, prepare, and carefully carry out your plan. The combustion of those daily calories will happen without fail, but only when the conditions are properly set up.

Love is another thing. ''But I want it to be spontaneous," people say. They think that if nothing is happening it is good enough reason for a divorce. "If it isn't spontaneous, it isn't love," they tell us. Where did that idea get started? Do we understand what spontaneity requires?

The kind of love the Bible talks about is action, and it comes from a force and an energy within. That energy is the love of Christ. His love creates the condition of heart (it does not come from nowhere) which enables us to do things: to give a cup of cold water, to go a second mile, to "look for a way of being constructive," as Phillips' translation puts 1 Corinthians 13:4.
"It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when everything else has fallen."

Christian love is a far cry from a misunderstood spontaneity which is merely unstructured. This love is a very firm and solid thing indeed, requiring will, obedience, action, and an abiding trust in the "Strong Son of God, Immortal Love."

As I start this new year...

Lets start of with the New Year reaffirming in our hearts these truths of our position with Christ! Believe!

In Christ we are accepted:

*John 1:12 I am God's Child

*John 15:15 I am Christ's friend

*Romans 5:1 I have been justified

*1 Corinthians 6:17 I am united with the Lord and one with Him in spirit

*1 Corinthians 6:20 I have been bought with a price- I belong to God

*1 Corinthians 12:27 I am a member of Christ's body

*Ephesians 1:1 I am a saint

*Ephesians 1:5 I have been adopted as God's child

*Ephesians 2:18 I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit

*Colossians 1:4 I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins

*Colossians 2:10 I am complete in Christ.

In Christ we are Secure:

*Romans 8:1,2 I am free from condemnation

*Romans 8:28 I am asssured that all things work together for good

*Romans 8:31-34 I am free from any condemning charges against me

*Romans 8:35-39 I cannot be separated from the love of God

*2 Corinthians 1:21,22 I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God

*Colossians 3:3 I am hidden with Christ in God

*Philippians 1:6 I am confident that the good work that God has begun in me will be perfected.

*Philippians 3:20 I am a citizen of heaven

*2 Timothy 1:7 I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind

*Hebrews 4:16 I can find grace and mercy in time of need

*1 John 5:18 I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me

In Christ We Are Significant

*Matthew 5:13 I am the salt and light of the earth

*John 15:1,5 I am a branch of the true vine, a channel of His life

*John 15:16 I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit

*Acts 1:8 I am a personal witness of Christ's

*1 Corinthians 3:16 I am God's temple

*2 Corinthians 5:17-20 I am a minister of reconciliation

*Ephesians 2:6 I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm

*Ephesians 2:10 I am God's workmanship

*Ephesians 3:12 I may approach God with freedom and confidence

*Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

From the Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson

Sigh...too often this is what it feels like in my world.

Some thoughts I discovered (and have thought)...

There are several blogs I read...most belong to people I know; however, there are a few I have discovered along the way. The following are some thoughts that I have thought but haven't written down. Paulie Perrette (an actress I really respect) posted these on her blog...I hope she won't mind my borrowing them to share as well!!! (I did slightly alter a few of these so they will fit into my life)

- I realized that as much as I love new or clean tube socks, they're not quite as great as the ones my dog throws around and chews on.

- I realized that some people are just disgusting and perverted and no amount of truth will change them. Best just to surround yourself with love, as always, and ignore the disgusting and perverted.

- Some people have twisted lies told about them, and it will always be recognized in the end. Be careful who and what you listen to. Liars are often charming.

- Drama should be saved only for the screen or stage, at all costs.

- I realized that some girls are hateful and jealous and awful and really hate their sister femmes. That's sad.

- Listening to cheesy songs by yourself is very satisfying and entertaining.

- I-Pod should've told us in the beginning that eventually, the battery would die and there is nothing you can do about it. An old walk-man still runs.

- I realized how happy I am to have real friends instead of only a "top" list on myspace.com. I actually hug mine every chaqnce I get.

- I remember to feed my pets more than I remember to feed myself.

- Women have to stick up for each other and stand up for themselves. My granny used to say, "I don't need no
stinkin' man around no more". Yup, that's when a girl can truly love herself, and then love a GOOD man.

-Clean sheets and pillow cases are something that should be in your thank you prayers at night.

- There is nothing finer than real friends, even when you aren't getting along, they have your back no matter what. And if they don't...? Well, there's your answer.

- Having a husband like mine (I LOVE,LOVE,LOVE YOU!)
and friends like mine (I LOVE YOU!)
and pets like mine (I LOVE YOU!)
and co-workers like mine (I LOVE YOU!)
and students like mine (I LOVE YOU!)
and neighbors like mine (I LOVE YOU!)
are all things I say thank you prayers for every night and every morning and every chance I get.

- Changing my life for the better was worth everything, in spite of all the haters, and their hate and lies make them ugly, ugly ugly, people. My loved ones are so, so beautiful.

Girl Smiles In Spite Of It All.
Very grateful for the good things right now.
In spite of it all.
(like my dog who is staring at me grinning right now)

Being alone on Christmas...is it good or bad???

Christmas is the season to be jolly, but some people want to spend it alone. Christine Aziz investigates

When you open your presents on Christmas morning with friends and family, spare a thought for those who will be spending the day alone. The chances are, as you grimace at yet another of Uncle Tom's dreadful jokes, you'll be wishing you could join them.

A solitary Christmas certainly has its perks. Since she has been living away from home, graphic artist, Marie Edmunds, 28, has spent most of her Christmases alone in her spacious Brighton flat. 'I tell my boyfriend to get lost, then I batten down the hatches and withdraw from the world,' she says with relish.

Marie is not a loner by nature. Outgoing and fun, she's always up for a party, but there is something about Christmas that makes her withdraw. But it's not easy.

'My family and friends just can't understand it. As far as they are concerned Christmas is about being with people you love, but I find it all too much,' she says. 'People try too hard on the day to enjoy themselves and it all gets tense. In my family we have our Nan down, who we hardly see in the year. All she does is pick fault in everyone and my parents get very tense. I just hate all the forced jollity that comes with Christmas. I prefer to avoid it and do my own thing.'


Her boyfriend, John, is now used to Marie's Christmas boycott and has stopped inviting her to share the day with his large and boisterous family. He's finally got the message but the problem is, no one else has. The moment anyone knows you're going to spend Christmas alone they start inviting you to spend it with them, even if they hardly know you. They can't believe you actually want to be alone,' she says.

Marie now lies about her Christmas. 'I tell everyone I am spending it with a friend or my family, depending on whom I am talking to,' she says. 'My family say I am selfish and I once had someone who knew I was lying, threaten to come over and kidnap me and take me to his house for Christmas where his family, all strangers to me, would be present. Now, personally, I can't think of anything more depressing than spending the day with a crowd of strangers. But the thought that he was doing something in the cause of not allowing anyone to be alone at Christmas made him happy. I was tempted to give in - but lied instead and faked a serious case of flu.'

So, what does Marie do on Christmas Day? 'I get up in the morning as late as I want. I open my presents one at a time when I want, not in a big rush. I have dinner either at home or in a restaurant and eat what I want, when I want to. I walk along the beach and watch all the families - most of whom you can tell are not having a good time. I go down to my neighbour downstairs, a brilliant old lady of 90, who also likes to be alone on Christmas Day. I stay about an hour, wish her well, and then leave. I spend the rest of the day either curled up with a good book or watching a video.'


If it sounds like heaven to you then go for it. But before you do:


Ask yourself why you want to be alone on a day that is traditionally a social occasion associated with family gatherings. Are there hidden agendas you haven't dealt with during the year? Are you burnt out? Are you expected to do things on Christmas Day that you don't like doing, but do them anyway to please everyone? Or do you genuinely want to enjoy some time in your own company.

Be prepared for emotional blackmail when you tell loved ones your plans. Reassure them that you are not rejecting them, but it is about your needs at this time. Appease them by fixing to spend a day with them after Christmas.

Unless you really have to, try not to lie about your whereabouts. Explain why you want to be alone and stick to it.

Put a note on your door saying you have gone for a walk, in case someone is sent to pick you up, despite your wishes. (Marie says, don't open the door!)

Make sure you have enough food in for two days, and buy lots of treats.

If during the day, you start to feel miserable and wish you weren't alone, pick up the phone and dial a friend. You have nothing to prove.

Christmas thoughts from the comics

Christmas 2006

It is Christmas Day 2006 and I'm at home alone. Tom is working a 12, Maggie is alseep on the couch, the TV is on and it is raining. Started reading a new book but just can't get into it, yet. Since the BIG gift this year is a new Sony 60 gig hard drive video recorder, I'm transfering all of the old tapes onto one of the computers and copying them to DVD. In so many ways it feels like just another day. Being alone on holidays is hard...I never thought it would happen to me. My heart and prayers go out to all of those who are alone this holiday season. May the love of God reach you and comfort you. May He make himself known to you in amazing ways.

The Christmas Coat...aka:There Really is a Santa

Is there a Santa? Find out in this holiday passalong, which will warm your heart and soul.

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so.

It had to be true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" She snorted...."Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go." "Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun.

"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car. "Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for. I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, and the people who went to my church.

I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!

I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that. "Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby." The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it. Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk.

Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going." I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering beside my Grandma in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team. I still have the Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95.

Truer than many realize

This comic has been online this week. It is sad this is as true as it is. In many ways, I feel this way this holiday season.

Is this what is "wrong with kids today"?

I receive a daily devotional from Elizabeth Eliot. I admire and respect so much of what she says and God has used her to teach me so many things. Lately, the topic of parenting has been a focus. It is interesting to see her point of view; however, I haven't agreed with some of her convictions. I know, thought, that it is OK not to believe everything she says. God will convict me of the things He feels I should do, or the things I havne't done.

In the midst of today's devotion on parenting she did offer the following insight. With everything that goes on at CRHS daily it did give me pause. Is this truly part of what is wrong with students????? If this is past of the issue, what can be done to resolve this?

Excerpts from "Serious Play, Casual Work"

Something has changed. Educators have gotten terribly serious about play and terribly casual about real physical work. Billions of dollars are lavished on developing crafts which nobody really needs and forms of recreation which people have to be taught to like. We've got "toys to grow on," computer games, play groups, playgrounds. Tiny tots who would have been happy with a few Tupperware containers and some spoons are given fancy mechanical toys that do things, and taught that if they make huge messes with finger paints they're being creative, which they didn't know they wanted to be.

Is anybody paying attention to how a child works? Is it assumed that if asked to rake a lawn he'll do it halfheartedly? Will he sweep the garage in silent fury or will he rejoice in doing a thorough job of it? Will she scrub a sink till it shines and know herself to be a useful member of a household? School teachers desperately try to teach children who have never really labored with their hands to do schoolwork--not a very good place to start, it seems to me. If a child is not given to understand that he has a responsibility to help make the wheels of home run smoothly--if he is not given work which matters, in other words--why should he imagine that it matters very much whether he cooperates with teachers and fellow students? His parents have failed to give attention to a vital matter. Their attention has been elsewhere--on their own interests, jobs, amusements, physical fitness, or only on the child's health and a misguided notion of happiness which leaves out work altogether. If the "quality time" his father spends with him is limited to amusements rather than work, small wonder the child assumes nobody really likes work. His choices in how to spend his time, like his preferences in food, are taught at home--by observation of parental attitudes.

Is the situation irremediable? I don't think so. Surely we could eliminate some of the frustration and discontent of "civilized" family life if we took our cues from the "uncivilized" people who work almost all the time (and enjoy it) and play very little of the time (without making a complicated chore out of it). Happiness, after all, is a choice. Let your child see that you put heart and soul into the work God has given you to do. Do it for Him--that changes the whole climate of the home. Draw the child into acceptance of responsibility by starting very early. Expect the best. If you expect them to oppose you, to "goof off," to be terrible at two, rude at ten, intractable as teenagers, they won't disappoint you.

Thought for the day...

A rumor will travel half way around the world before the truth can even put on its shoes.
~unknown

Does everything have to become a competition?

I saw this online today. I always liked 'rock, paper, scissors'. Why does everything have to become a competition and raised to a professional level?

Hundreds to compete for rock, paper, scissors title
By Martin RobertsFri Nov 10, 8:46 AM ET

Think rock, paper, scissors is a children's game? Think again.

Top players from around the globe will gather in Toronto this weekend to compete for a C$10,000 ($8,840) prize and the title of world champion.

More than 500 contestants, including national champions from Australia, Norway and New Zealand, are expected to attend.

Tournament organizer Graham Walker said players will have to steel themselves against psychological pressure as players typically form teams to rally each other.

"The team will surround the arena, provide moral support and usually try to intimidate the opponent," said Walker, who is also co-author of "The Official Rock Paper Scissors Guide."

The simple game is often used to make decisions and resolve basic conflicts.

Author Ian Fleming had his fictional secret agent James Bond play the game in Japan, in "You Only Live Twice."

Players smack their fists into their palms and count to three before making one of three hand signals: a fist (rock), flat hand (paper) or two fingers (scissors). Paper covers rock, scissors cut paper and rock breaks scissors.

Enthusiasts disagree about the history of the game, but it is believed to have been played for centuries in Japan.

The Paper Scissors Stone Club was founded in England in 1842 and provided an environment free from the long arm of the law where enthusiasts could come together and play for honor, according to the World RPS (Rock Paper Scissors) Society Web page (www.worldrps.com).

In 1918, the name was changed to World RPS Club to reflect the growing international representation and its headquarters moved from London to Toronto. In 1925 its membership topped 10,000.

The world championships have been held since 2002.

Frustrated...

I am so frustrated. I don't know what to do...
I feel like I am doing more and more work but am accomplishing less and less. The school keeps adding work and expectations and it feels so huge. It is a burden so heavy.
Lord, help me...please.

November 2, 2006

I don't think I will forget that day any time soon.
I went to work with my head filled with all of the usual stress, ran long in rehearsal and missed my nail apt. (I still think Heidi left early, though). I went home early. Tom wasn't there and I didn't know where he was. It frustrated me some that he didn't leave a note (he ran an errand because he thought I was going to be late due to my nail apt). I fed Maggie and let her run around for a few minutes while I checked my e-mail. My intention was to let Anne out once Maggie had a few minutes. Tom got home in the interim. He was surprised to see me. He asked if I had fed Anne and I told him not yet but I was about to. He sat down next to me and said we needed to talk. He had been off all week and had been spending some extra time with little Anne. He told me she hadn't had that good of a week. She seemed to be slowing down. At that moment things ran slow. MY KITTY! She had been with me for 16 years. I adopted her when she was barely 2 months old and didn't weigh 2 pounds. She had been there through so much. She was there when the world fell apart. She was the source of so many stories and ideas. I still wanted to take more photos of her....to sit on the couch and cuddle her up while she purred.
He told me of how she seemed to be developing new problems. She had just stopped grooming...so strange for her, she was always such a princess. We went to her room and opened the door, she slowly made her way out. Maggie tried to greet her friend and we stopped her...she didn't understand, this was what she had always done. Anne tried to get back to her room for dinner...she could barely walk, her back legs kept giving out from under her. It broke my heart. I started to cry. Tom and I talked. We were going to wait until Friday, I was going to take the day off and we would take her. We talked a little more and I cried more...my heart was breaking. Then I knew I needed to call the vet. They were there and said to bring her in right away. I changed quickly and grabbed her blankets. Anne was silent, so unlike her-she always 'talked' during car rides...she did not like riding in a car at all. When we got to the vet, we were the only patients there (thank you Lord). When we walked in I started to cry. They were so kind. We went into an exam room (second one on the right) and talked to the assistant. We told him everything we could about her. I opened her kennel and she didn't even fuss, and I knew she was so sick. She didn't complain when I got her out and she just lay in her blanket on the exam table. She looked so sad...her fur was messy, eyes a little runny, ears needed cleaning, nails needed a trip, not saying anything. At the moment I thought of how I had planned to give her a bath and groom this weekend and the tears started again. The vet came in and checked her out. With him was the tech that had wrangled Anne during her check-up in July...the tech remembered my little fighter. Both of them were so kind and gentle. He told us it was her kidneys and that extreme measures would only buy us a little time. I knew I had to let her go...that if I truly loved her I would let her go. The Dr. and the tech left us with her to say good-bye and make final choices. I stroked her little face and paws. Tom and I talked to her. And I started to try to think of a house without her. The vet came back in and we talked a little more. He told us of the process, we talked about staying with her until 'the end'...we all agreed that it was probably best if we didn't...if we would have the last memory being while she was alive. (plus I don't think I could have handled to see them put a needle into her heart...she was so small that was the best way to administer the dose). I wrapped her in her baby blanket, kissed her one more time, took her tags off of her and let them take her. We hugged and I cried more (how many tears can there be???) and then we left...I cried or sat in silence all the way home. At home, Maggie knew there was something wrong. Where was her friend? I sat on the couch and tried to think. Tom gave me a small container of ice cream and I at the whole thing. Eventually, we went to bed.
My little girl is gone and it hurts. Someone once asked a minister if there were going to be animals in heaven. They responded that if animals would make heaven even better then they would be there (a paraphrase). Maybe one day I'll get to heaven and among those there to meet me will be a sweet little, grey and black tabby cat with big eyes who blessed my life for 16 years and left much sooner than I would like. Maybe right now there are angels rubbing her tummy and showing her the best spots for her to hide but still be able to watch everything. Maybe Tom's mom is in heaven and she will take care of her. All I know is that I'm not ready to have another cat...maybe not for a very long time.
Sept 11, 1990-Nov 2, 2006~Anne Shirley Tweeddale Tate...my cat, my little girl, my angel

Seeking God's peace in all circumstances

May my attitude be like that of the seventeen-year-old Lady Jane Grey, who prayed this prayer in her prison cell before she was beheaded in 1554:

O merciful God, be Thou unto me
A strong Tower of defence,
I humbly entreat Thee.
Give me grace to await Thy leisure,
And patiently to bear
What Thou doest unto me;
Nothing doubting or mistrusting
Thy goodness towards me;
For Thou knowest what is good for me
Better than I do.
Therefore do with me in all things
What Thou wilt;
Only arm me, I beseech Thee,
With Thine armor,
That I may stand fast;
Above all things taking to me
The shield of faith;
Praying always that I may
Refer myself wholly to Thy will,
Abiding Thy pleasure, and comforting myself
In those troubles which it shall please Thee
To send me, seeing such troubles are
Profitable for me; and I am
Assuredly persuaded that all Thou doest
Cannot but be well; and unto Thee
Be all honor and glory. Amen.

This made me laugh today...

How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to move it to the Lighting section

2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again

If you watch this...prepare to smile :-)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

An earnest prayer for today...

"O God, the protector of all who trust in you, without whom nothing is strong, nothing is holy: Increase and multiply upon us your mercy, that, with you as our ruler and guide, we may so pass through things temporal, that we lose not the things eternal; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen."

Tired and worn out...

I am tired, I have a headache and it is mid quarter in Citrus County. We are half way thought this quarter...1/8 of the way though this school year. I am finding it difficult to not be discouraged by things this year. It seems the load of expectations keeps getting greater and greater. I don't understand work for the sake of work. It seems some of the admin. want us to do things because it will make them look good not because it will help us as teachers or help the sudents or any combination of the two. The FCAT score has become the goal...the prize. One administrator in particular seems to be trying to make sure others take the blame for things they set into motion. The 9th grade academy seems to be a dismal failure at my school, other places make it work. Ours caters to the students and isn't helping them adjust to high school. Next year, as 10th graders, they will expect the same treatment...and so on and so on. Are we helping them or hurting them.
I want to be where God wants me to be. I know He never promised us an easy life and that challenges are a natural part of the walk BUT I feel so overwhelmed right now. This English class is a daily struggle. I try to find the joy and there are kids in the class I think I could like but 37 kids is just too many. So many are Failing the class because they just aren't doing the work!
I feel so overwhelmed by the whole thing. Why??? Why this? Why now??

A little life perspective

Every year, Beloit College releases its Mindset List to give a snapshot of the world view of the incoming freshmen class. The list for the Class of 2010:

1. The Soviet Union has never existed and therefore is about as scary as the student union.
2. They have known only two presidents.
3. For most of their lives, major U.S. airlines have been bankrupt.
4. Manuel Noriega has always been in jail in the U.S.
5. They have grown up getting lost in giant retail stores known as "big boxes."
6. There has always been one Germany.
7. They have never heard anyone actually "ring it up" on a cash register.
8. They are wireless, yet always connected.
9. A stained blue dress is as famous to their generation as a third-rate burglary was to their parents'.
10. Thanks to pervasive head phones in the back seat, parents have always been able to speak freely in the front.
11. A coffee has always taken longer to make than a milkshake.
12. Smoking has never been permitted on U.S. airlines.
13. Faux fur has always been a necessary element of style.
14. The Moral Majority has never needed an organization.
15. They have never had to distinguish between the St. Louis Cardinals baseball and football teams.
16. DNA fingerprinting has always been admissible evidence in court.
17. They grew up pushing their own miniature shopping carts in the supermarket.
18. They grew up with and have outgrown faxing as a means of communication.
19. "Google" has always been a verb.
20. Text messaging is their e-mail.
21. Milli Vanilli has never had anything to say.
22. Mr. Rogers, not Walter Cronkite, has always been the most trusted man in America.
23. Bar codes have always been on everything, from library cards and snail mail to retail items.
24. Madden has always been a game, not a Super Bowl-winning coach.
25. Phantom of the Opera has always been on Broadway.
26. "Boogers" candy has always been a favorite for grossing out parents.
27. There has never been a "sky hook" in the NBA.
28. Carbon copies are oddities found in their grandparents' attics.
29. Computerized player pianos have always been tinkling in the lobby.
30. Non-denominational mega-churches have always been the fastest growing religious organizations in the U.S.
31. They grew up in minivans.
32. Reality shows have always been on television.
33. They have no idea why we needed to ask "... Can we all get along?"
34. They have always known that "In the criminal justice system the people have been represented by two separate yet equally important groups."
35. Young women's fashions have never been concerned with where the waist is.
36. They have rarely mailed anything using a stamp.
37. Brides have always worn white for a first, second, or third wedding.
38. Being techno-savvy has always been inversely proportional to age.
39. "So" as in "Sooooo New York," has always been a drawn-out adjective modifying a proper noun, which in turn modifies something else.
40. Affluent troubled teens in Southern California have always been the subjects of television series.
41. They have always been able to watch wars and revolutions live on television.
42. Ken Burns has always been producing very long documentaries on PBS.
43. They are not aware that "flock of seagulls hair" has nothing to do with birds flying into it.
44. Retin-A has always made America look less wrinkled.
45. Green tea has always been marketed for health purposes.
46. Public school officials have always had the right to censor school newspapers.
47. Small, white holiday lights have always been in style.
48. Most of them have never had the chance to eat bad airline food.
49. They have always been searching for "Waldo."
50. The really rich have regularly expressed exuberance with outlandish birthday parties.
51. Michael Moore has always been showing up uninvited.
52. They never played the game of state license plates in the car.
53. They have always preferred going out in groups as opposed to dating.
54. There have always been live organ donors.
55. They have always had access to their own credit cards.
56. They have never put their money in a "Savings & Loan."
57. Sara Lee has always made underwear.
58. Bad behavior has always been getting captured on amateur videos.
59. Disneyland has always been in Europe and Asia.
60. They never saw Bernard Shaw on CNN.
61. Beach volleyball has always been a recognized sport.
62. Acura, Lexus and Infiniti have always been luxury cars of choice.
63. Television stations have never concluded the broadcast day with the national anthem.
64. LoJack transmitters have always been finding lost cars.
65. Diane Sawyer has always been live in Prime Time.
66. Dolphin-free canned tuna has always been on sale.
67. Disposable contact lenses have always been available.
68. "Outing" has always been a threat.
69. "Oh, The Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss has always been the perfect graduation gift.
70. They have always "dissed" what they don't like.
71. The U.S. has always been studying global warming to confirm its existence.
72. Richard M. Daley has always been the Mayor of Chicago.
73. They grew up with virtual pets to feed, water, and play games with, lest they die.
74. Ringo Starr has always been clean and sober.
75. Professional athletes have always competed in the Olympics.

Useful Math Conversions...

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling

8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone

14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle

16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

17. 52 cards = 1 decacards

18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton

19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

22. 10 rations = 1 decoration

23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration

24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram

25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms

26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

My "lament"

OK...so sometimes life isn't "fair".
I have been a fan of Rick Springfield since the 7th grade (no comment on how long ago that was). One of my best friends, Dwayne, got tickets for him and his wife to go see Rick Springfield in Atlanta this past weekend after we had finished classes in Tallahassee. On Friday Jenny and her sister went to Atlanta where they got to go to the sound check for the concert and meet Rick Springfield! On Saturday, Dwayne and his brother-in-law (Kevin) drove to meet their girls and go to the concert. They had backstage passes and everything! I just got the attached picture from Dwayne, Jenny sure looks happy!!! Dwayne said the concert was great. It started raining so a number of people left and the remaining crowd just had a blast. Rick moved out in the audience and got everyone involved.
ALSO...my brother and his wife are living in Edinburgh, Scotland right now. Every August they have a huge arts festival (the Shakespeare festival is just a small part of all of the festivities). So, I recently found out that Howard Jones (one of my all time favorite singers) is going to be a part of the festival in Edinburgh this year. My brother will be in the same city as Howard Jones!!
I, on the other hand, am stuck in this dinky town in north-central Florida. The best part of the last 3 days is that my 2nd summer of grad school is done and I've been able to get some sleep (since I was greatly deprived of that over the last 5 weeks). The worst part is that teachers start tomorrow and I really am not looking forward to being at CRHS this year. For whatever the reason God wants me there for at least another year. I just pray the year goes quietly and without any event.
I am glad my friends/family at getting these experiences, though...plus, my time will come;-)
Jenny and Rick Springfield

An honest prayer...

Lord, deliver me from the urge to open my mouth when I should shut it. Give me the wisdom to keep silence where silence is wise. Remind me that not everything needs to be said, and that there are very few things that need to be said by me.

How to Do the Job You Don't Really Want To Do (aka-what God taught me today)

Author: Elisabeth Elliot
Source: A Lamp For My Feet

How to Do the Job You Don't Really Want To Do

Certain aspects of the job the Lord has given me to do are very easy to postpone. I make excuses, find other things that take precedence, and, when I finally get down to business to do it, it is not always with much grace. A new perspective has helped me recently:

The job has been given to me to do.
Therefore it is a gift.
Therefore it is a privilege.
Therefore it is an offering I may make to God.
Therefore it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him.
Therefore it is the route to sanctity.

Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God's way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness. The discipline of this job is, in fact, the chisel God has chosen to shape me with--into the image of Christ.

Thank you, Lord, for the work You have assigned me. I take it as your gift; I offer it back to you. With your help I will do it gladly, faithfully, and I will trust You to make me holy.

The Quiet of the Evening...

Today has been really quiet...boring, even. Tom is on mids right now so he leaves for work before 5 p.m. and will be home around 7-ish tomorrow morning and then has to sleep for most of the day. I haven't don't much today. I SHOULD have used the day to read several plays for one of my grad school classes; however, I didn't. I haven't done much of anything today and that may not be a bad thing.
Next Saturday I move to FSU for my second year of grad school. I'm a little nervous. I have NO idea how the classes are going to go. Michael's performance class has a monologue and directing assignment due the first week. (still haven't found a monologue, yet, or given much thought to the directing work) Page's Gender/Race/Performance class has an unusual reading list. I've purchased 10 of the books and we just got the rest of the reading list on Thursday. Ordered the remaining books from Barnes & Noble today and they should be here by Friday. (need to have the 10 titles I have read asap) Colleen's Creative Design class is an unknown right now. We had a posting on Blackboard about the class but some of the information was for when the class was offered last fall. They did quite a bit of work and had to do drawings and such. I'm glad I pulled out my pencils from 'Freehand Drawing I' and decided to bring them. If we don't end up needing them, no problem...they don't take up much room. I've barely starting packing...there is so much to do!!!
It looks like I'll be living in the same place as last year. It isn't a bad place. It is a little expensive but everything is included. I just hope any roommates there are decent. I wouldn't mind if a couple of them aren't there for most of the session, though. I guess if it gets too bad I can go to Strozer or give Dwayne a call. Worst case, I contact the floor RA and complain.
I still don't know anything about next year. Part of me just wants to quit CRHS and be done with it. I just don't know if that is what God wants me to do. I still have so much peace about leaving there and the thought of teaching there next year makes me ill. I haven't heard anything from CFCC, though. I figure I'll wait until the end of next week and I'll e-mail Dave Hartley again. I appreciate everyone praying about this whole thing. Right now I do know I want to go to CFCC and work as Mr. Hartley's assistant starting in August of this year. I know I have spent my fair share of time talking to God about all of this. I know I need to trust and wait on him...but, of course, I want the answers now. Anybody have any words of wisdom about this whole thing???

God is in control...

Author: Elisabeth Elliot
Source: A Lamp For My Feet
Scripture: Luke 23:47 

Responsible to Praise

We cannot always or even often control events, but we can control how we respond to them. When things happen which dismay or appall, we ought to look to God for his meaning, remembering that He is not taken by surprise nor can his purposes be thwarted in the end. What God looks for is those who will worship Him. Our look of inquiring trust glorifies Him.

One of the witnesses to the crucifixion was a military officer to whom the scene was surely not a novelty. He had seen plenty of criminals nailed up. But the response of this Man who hung there was of such an utterly different nature than that of the others that the centurion knew at once that He was innocent. His own response then, rather than one of despair that such a terrible injustice should take place, or of anger at God who might have prevented it, was praise (Lk 23:47 NEB).

This is our first responsibility: to glorify God. In the face of life's worst reversals and tragedies, the response of a faithful Christian is praise--not for the wrong itself certainly, but for who God is and for the ultimate assurance that there is a pattern being worked out for those who love Him.

It Is Well With My Soul...

I may not understand what is going on in my life right now; however, I do know that God is in control.
Wednesday I had to have an outpatient procedure. That morning, I awoke early. Unable to go back to sleep, I lay in bed, dozing and praying. In the stillness of the morning I became aware of a hymn playing over and over in my head...in my body...in my soul. It is well with my soul...all day that played inside of me. At times during the day I felt like the rest of the world had to hear the music it seemed so loud at times.
I am at a cross road. I am increasingly unhappy at CRHS. There are so many things going on there that are making it increasingly difficult to do my job. I believe God is leading me to leave and I have such a peace with the thought. It is interesting how He can make things happen. There is actual, literal revulsion in me at the thought of returning to CRHS for another year compared to peace and tranquility with leaving.
I am praying (and believing) that God will open a position at CFCC. Going there to work with Dave Hartley would be a dream come true. I am trusting that God will provide the job by August of this year. (There...I said it) Presently, a job doesn't exist; however, that doesn't mean God can't make one appear...true? Mr.Hartley and I have talked many times about how he needs an assistant and how I would love to work with him again. People there have talked about wanting me there.
As I wait for God to show Himself in amazing ways, and deliver this poor soul from Egypt, "It is well with my soul" will continue to play in my heart.

It Is Well with My Soul

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.


“Praise the Lord, O my soul.” Psalm 146:1

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be
removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be
troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah. Psalm 46:1-3

Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and
forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life
from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth thy mouth with
good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's. The LORD executeth righteousness and judgment for
all that are oppressed.  Psalm 103: 1-6

Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at
hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be
made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and
minds through Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:4-7

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be
troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27

What to do????

I am in the midst of a "life crisis". So much is going on and I hardly know where to start. I have a choice to make and I don't know what to do. The decision will have great impact on so many things. I see change coming and it is scary. God is moving in so many ways. I know He is in control (and thank goodness for that 'cause I'd probably make a mess of it all!) I am sure in the day's and weeks to come I will have more to say and the enigmatic quality of this post will become more clear. I do know if God wants me to continue on this path He will make all of the obstacles disappear. It will become clear the way He wants me to follow.
In the mean time, pray for me.

What God taugth me today...

Author: Theodore Epp
Source: Strength for the Journey
Scripture Reference: Exodus 18:13-27

Delegating Responsibility

As I have studied the Word of God concerning leadership, I have come to certain conclusions about spiritual principles of good leadership. These principles can be applied not only by leaders of organizations but by Sunday school teachers or by anyone with responsibility.

First, God uses people to do His work. When He has a job to do, He calls an individual to do it. Remember, however, that it took Moses a long time to become prepared for his task, and it sometimes takes leaders today a long time to be prepared for their tasks.

Second, when the task becomes too much for the one person God originally called, He calls others to work with the first individual.

Third, God holds the first individual responsible for the work done by the other individuals. This principle applies especially to the spiritual aspects of the work.

This principle was particularly evident in Moses' leadership. Even though responsibility and authority could be delegated to others, he was still directly responsible before God.

God knows what work He wants accomplished, and He gives individuals responsibilities in order to accomplish that work. The only way that God's work can be done effectively is for individual believers to know what God wants them to do.

"But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him" (1 Cor. 12:18).

Distractions to Prayer

As mentioned in a previous blog, I've been working on my prayer life. It is awesome how God knows what we need and then puts what we need in out path. I get several e-mail devotionals. I try to stop the chaos of my life when I discover them in my inbox and take the time to read and ponder over them for a minute or two. Sometimes I find myself looking at exactly what I need at that minute. I got this today and couldn't believe how this was the very thing I was struggling with. Last night it seemed like my mind was going in 100 different directions as I tried to pray. No matter what, it seemed that my prayers kept getting derailed. I was frustrated and didn't know what to do. I really needed the encouragement I found in my inbox when I got up this morning. All I can say is, "Isn't this just like God?"

Distractions to Prayer by Elizabeth Elliot

No one who has tried to pray for more than a few seconds at a time would claim that he is never distracted. It is astonishing to note how insistently and immediately irrelevant matters come to mind, noises occur, things to be attended to are remembered, people interrupt, and even physical discomforts or pains bother us which we had not noticed until we tried to pray. These things are, of course, the work of the master saboteur of souls, who knows how to render our spiritual machinery useless, by the loosening of the tiniest screw or the loss of the smallest nut.

Distractions can be useful. They provide constant reminders of our human weakness. We recognize in them how earthbound we are, and then how completely we must depend on the help of the Holy Spirit to pray in and through us. We are shown, by a thousand trivialities, how trivial are our concerns. The very effort to focus, even for a minute, on higher things, is foiled, and we see that prayer--the prerequisite for doing anything for God--cannot be done without Him. We are not, however, left to fend for ourselves.

"The Spirit too comes to help us in our weakness. For when we cannot choose words in order to pray properly, the Spirit himself expresses our plea in a way that could never be put into words, and God who knows everything in our hearts knows perfectly well what he means, and that the pleas of the saints expressed by the Spirit are according to the mind of God" (Romans 8:26-27 JB).

Pray with Jesus by Elizabeth Elliot

I've been working a lot on prayer and devotion in my Christian walk. I know I'm coming through a spell where I have been more distant from Christ than I should be. 'Stuff' was piling up and I tried to handle it all on my own instead of giving it over to God and letting him be in control. I guess I figured that God was busy taking care of the worlds troubles so he didn't need to be bothered with my issues. (This is something I struggle with from time to time.) You would think that I would learn that I am no good at juggling...that when I try to do it all, 'keep all the balls in the air' as it were, I fail and it all comes falling down. THEN I run to the feet of God, throw myself at his mercy and sob, 'Hi God...it's me. I screwed up, again. Help?!' Maybe not the most eloquent or theological of prayers but it is honest. And God is faithful, isn't that just like him?, and he rescues me...He helps fix the mess. His mercy knows no bounds.
Speaking of 'mercy', Nancy Kennedy (a PCA author) lives in my area and writes a weekly column in our local paper (The Citrus County Chronicle...check it out!). She wrote about mercy this past weekend (well, it was more than that but mercy was part of it) and talked about how she misspelled mercy 'mecry'. That sometimes mercy does that to us...puts us on our knees and we cry. Her words really hit me. It was as if God was speaking right to me. His mercy know no limits. How could that thought alone not bring me to tears?
The below devotional came across my path today. Isn't it amazing how God sends us just what we need?
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Because I am "of the earth, earthy," I find that my prayers for the people I love are mostly bound by very earthy concerns--Lord, help P. to find a good wife, show G. which college to attend, provide money for W.'s house and E.'s car, help T. with his book, give X. a better job. It is meet and proper to pray for such things, but not to pray only for such things. There are prayers of far more lasting import which we must also learn to pray. We can find words for those in the prayer of Jesus for the people He loved:

1. that they may be one;
2. that they may find his joy completed in themselves;
3. that they may be kept from evil;
4. that they may be made holy by the truth;
5. that they may live in Christ;
6. that they may grow complete into one;
7. that they may be with him;
8. that the love which God has for Christ may be in their hearts.

If we learn to pray that kind of prayer, it will perhaps amend the "lesser" prayers.

Lord, teach me to pray. Open my eyes to see beyond the earthly to the heavenly. Let my primary concerns be heavenly ones, that your kingdom may come on earth, your will be done in me and in those I love. Teach me to pray with Jesus, for his sake. Amen.

One more from stiktek.com

Ok...so maybe I'm one of a small percent that will find most of these funny. But, then again, maybe for some of you it will give you a small glimpse into the humor of my profession. I have 3 t-shirts from these guys (a classic 'Tek', 'Lighting Tek' and one of their newest designs 'ChikTek') and I LOVE them!
Enjoy!

More techie humor from stiktek.com

"Drew's Fantasy"?????

My favorite one of all time isn't on this one..."If all the worlds a stage, I want better lighting".

These two are too funny...

Too bad they left the "ACTOR" off of the bottom of this one. To truly appreciate the humor you have to have the punch-line!

I guess we all dream of having our star on Hollywood Blvd. Maybe on of my former students will have the honor one day...and they'll invite me to attend the ceremony!

A little theatre humor (thanks to stiktek.com)

AH...yes... the wisdom of Stiktec.

Stiktec convention??? Where can I sign up to attend!!!

I LOVE this one. Gaffe tape holds the theatre world together!!! If I ever need a good costume, I may do this.

If a techie ever says this to me I don't know what I would do. I guess this one could be called "Drew's worst nightmare".

I've felt like this on several productions. In the original cartoon Stiktec hits himself on the head with the hammer over and over. This bit of animation alone makes it worth going to the website to check it out.

Long...but worth reading. Kinda puts some things into perspective

In 2003, college students Mike Yankoski and Sam Purvis voluntarily became homeless in order to experience what life is like for the poor in America. For five months, both men traveled through five different cities with bare essentials and two acoustic guitars. Singing worship songs while panhandling, Mike and Sam got to know homeless people and saw firsthand whether churches respond to their needs. Below are excerpts from "Under the Overpass," Mike's book about his travels.

WASHINGTON D.C.

Communion on an Empty Stomach

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, especially when you didn’t eat the night before.

In D.C., the only place we found to get breakfast on Sundays was at an Episcopal church in the heart of the city. The old church’s oak pews were at least softer than concrete, and seemed almost welcoming after a night on the sidewalk.
Each morning, a female priest spoke briefly on the passage of the day while more than a hundred homeless men and women sat scattered through the sanctuary, enduring the mandatory service. Some rocked slowly back and forth. Others talked to themselves, or coughed incessantly. Some slept quietly, others snored loudly. Some escaped to the sounds of heavy metal in their headphones. Some actually listened, and you’d hear an occasional “Amen” ringing out through the expansive sanctuary, usually well after the priest had begun her next sentence.

One Sunday, the priest offered communion, and about 40 of us ragged souls walked up and kneeled down around the pulpit.

I knelt next to a huge man who had been seated in front of me. His broad shoulders and large, rough hands told of a lifetime of hard labor. The wrinkles in his weathered face were thrown into dark relief by the dirt that had collected in them. His long graying hair and beard were stained and thick with debris.

As I knelt beside him, he started coughing violently, a thick gurgle rising from his lungs between convulsions. He braced himself against the floor with both hands until he could regain his composure, then he wiped his eyes, shifted back to a kneeling position, and waited.

The priest moved quietly around the circle, leaning down to each person. “This is the body of Christ, which was broken for you,” she said, looking each in the eye. Then she came around again with the cup. “This is the blood of Christ, which was shed for you.” The white of her cloak shone brilliantly against our filth.

By the time she brought the cup to the big guy next to me, he was back on his hands again, struggling for breath. She stopped directly in front of him and waited for him to rise. When he could look up at her, she held the shining silver cup as he put it to his lips. I heard him swallow, and as he handed the cup back to the priest, two drops of wine ran down his mustache and disappeared into his beard.

The priest wiped the cup where he had received and stepped in front of me. "This is the blood of Christ..."

I’d never taken communion on an empty stomach before. The cup burns when you’re hungry. It goes deeper, quicker, when there’s nothing to stop it.

The priest moved on, and with a deep sigh, the big man next to me crossed his chest and pushed himself to his feet. I rose too, and before we walked back to our seats, we caught each other’s gaze and nodded.

SAN FRANCISCO

The Grace of Pizza

It was a busy Saturday night in Berkeley, throngs of students everywhere. We’d come here on BART (the Bay Area Rapid Transit system) earlier in the day in a search of better panhandling. So far, we were doing okay on the donations, not so great on the requests. We just never seemed to know the songs others wanted to hear.

My fingers were getting sore from hours of playing. I stood to stretch, then yawned and laughed.

“What?” Sam asked.

“You know, before we came out here, a part of me was excited to have all this time to play the guitar. I figured I’d get a lot better. Six months on the street and I’d be the next Dave Matthews.”

Sam confessed to having similar thoughts. I examined the calluses on my left hand. “We’ve gotten a little better, but not much. Out here, you don’t play to get better, you play to eat.”

“Yup, and that means being heard above the traffic.”
“So we’re not really playing and singing, right?” I said. “We’re strumming and yelling. We’re getting better at strumming and yelling.”

We both laughed, and I sat down to begin again. Just then three guys walked past, the lead guy carrying a pizza box.

“Hey bro!” I called. “You going to eat the rest of that pizza?”

The guy stopped, looked from Sam and me to his box of pizza, then said, “Nope.” Shaking his head, he walked over. “You want it?” he asked.

“Sure!” I said, and he handed it down to us.

We thanked him profusely. “No problem,” he said, walking away. “Enjoy.”

Opening the box we found half a pepperoni pizza. “Unbelievable!” Sam yelled.

“This is the good stuff!” I said, grabbing a piece. “Father, thank you for this food!”

We sat there, happily devouring the still-warm pizza. By the time we were down to the crumbs, we were ready for more conversation.

“‘Father, thank you for this food’ means something different out here, doesn’t it?” I said.

“Sure does,” said Sam. “I don’t know if I’ll ever say it so sincerely again after we get back.”

“I hope I don’t change,” I said.

We sat watching people walk by, thinking about pizza and thankfulness. “What do you think would have happened if the Israelites hadn’t gone out and picked up the manna God sent,” I asked.

“And your meaning is?” said Sam.

“I mean, don’t you think they would have starved if they never actually went out and picked the manna off the ground?”

Sam looked at me as if I had pepperoni poisoning. Finally, he responded. “Yeah, probably. They had to eat, and God was providing, but—yes—they had to go out and pick it up.”

“Exactly!” I said enthusiastically. “They had to pick it up! How dumb would it have been if some had starved because they refused to take what God was providing.”

Sam sounded thoughtful. “I’d be a lot more hungry right now if we hadn’t asked those guys for their leftover pizza.”

“Right,” I said, nodding. “We prayed for God’s provision, right? We prayed that He would bless us and give us what we need. But then when it walked by, we had to make our move. Asking and receiving means different things out here on the streets than back home. But the idea is the same.”

Sam didn’t look nearly impressed enough by my line of logic. So I kept at it.

“Just like you said,” I continued, “we’d be a lot more hungry if we hadn’t asked for that pizza. God answered our prayers for provision, but we still had to ask these guys for it. We still had to ‘pick up the manna.’”

Now Sam was nodding. “I wonder how much we miss because we’re unwilling to pick it up. That verse in Matthew, ‘Knock and the door will be opened,’ why have the door opened if you don’t walk through?”

“I know,” I said. “Kinda scary.”

“It’s like asking God to bless your day, then when He puts a needy, smelly person in front of you that you could really help, you wonder what you did to deserve such rotten luck.”

“Yep!” I agreed.

We both felt insightful, mature, brilliant to the point of genius. Manna does that to you.

In no time at all, we were back to strumming and yelling.

PHOENIX

Sleeping on the Church Steps (or Why We Didn't Go To Church)

Although Sam and I had spent every Sunday morning at church somewhere on our travels, the lack of community was taking a toll on us. Even at church, we felt isolated because of how we looked, how we smelled, and who people perceived us to be. In fact, walking into a church where we hoped to find genuine fellowship only to be met by condescension or suspicion or disingenuous flattery was the worst kind of rejection. One night in Phoenix we stretched out our sleeping bags in front of a church’s main doors hoping that early the next morning we would be awakened by a kindhearted churchgoer wondering if he could help us in some way. A simple, obvious plan, we thought, but it didn’t work.

At about 7 the next morning, while a dream of wintertime in the Rockies cooled my sweating body, a far away voice pulled me back to reality. “And before we read from Romans 8, let us pray together...”

Sam and I were still on the steps of the church and already baking in the morning sun. I rolled over to look through the sanctuary windows. A small gathering was standing while the pastor led in prayer. The early service was just getting under way inside, but for us, the voice came from a speaker just above where we slept.

“Sam,” I said, nudging him awake.

“Yeah?” He sat up and shaking his head.

“Did anybody wake you up?” I said pointing into the sanctuary.

"No way,” he said. We both realized what had happened. Every person inside had gone through a side door. “Nobody woke me up. You?”

“Nope.”

The pastor was ending his prayer. “Lord, teach us to look not unto ourselves but unto you and unto others...” With a loud Amen that came metallically through the speaker above, the congregation took its seat and he began his sermon.

Already soaked with sweat, we decided to pack up and move on. “Wow,” said Sam, “I thought we were making it easy for them!”

But were we? I’m not so sure now. I think two sleeping transients on the church steps early one morning would make most people uneasy, Christian or not. The need is unexpected, out of place, and a little disturbing. Yet it is in exactly here, in the difficult circumstances, that Christ’s love should take risks to meet needs. In A Ragamuffin Gospel, Brennan Manning describes what that kind of love looks like: “To evangelize a person is to say to him or her: you too are loved by God and the Lord Jesus. And not only to say it but to really think it, and relate it to them so they can sense it. But that becomes possible only by offering the person your friendship, a friendship that is real, unselfish, without condescension, full of confidence and profound esteem.”

The questions on my mind right now...

Why must some people choose to be difficult?
Why must some people reject a genuine apology?
Why must some people see themselves as judge and jury?
Why must some people suffer from "log eye syndrome"?
If God has forgiven someone, why do some people think they should continue to reject the overtures of repentance?
I guess these are the on my mind...