The show is over...

Last night was closing night for the fall production, Up the Down Staircase.
Sometimes I wonder why I am drawn to a certain show at a certian time. I wonder if the kids learn as much as I do during the process. This week was a little surreal. THe show went well. Attendance was down a little, about 270 total...nothing to frown about though!
As I watched the show develop I wondered which teacher I was like. Am I Sylvia? Bea? Paul? McCabe? I also had to ask myself if I am a good teacher. Am I helping my students? Are they learning? I want to be a good teacher...no that isn't true. I want to be a great teacher. I want to make a difference. But, is that selfish?
There are a number of things that happened this week that really hurt, though. Some people did some very hurtful and mean things. Why do I take these things so seriously? Sometimes I feel like if I could make myself not care it would be easier. But is easier what I want?
I hear sylvia talk about teaching because she wants to make a difference in the life of a child. That could be me speaking. I want to make a difference. Sometimes I wonder if I am.
We were circled up before the last show and we were sharing this time. So many of the kids said so many amazing things. I was humbled. I reflect on these sometime. Sometimes I am afraid that I'm doing this for the wrong reasons. Am I doing this job for them or am I doing it for me...I hope it is the former.
I know I am suffering from production hang-over...post-production stress disorder. Maybe that's what it is...
I do hope the kids know I love them dearly and that I am so proud of them. They did an awesome job and touched so many people. They make the difference in the life of a teacher.