Tom has been working 80 hour weeks for the last 7 weeks. I hate it. We don't see one another. He gets home and I'm gone to work...I get home and he is either already gone or is about to leave. This house feels so dull and boring. Even Maggie and Anne seem off...sad. It just started thundering outside...great...even the weather feels lousy. I miss having a husband. That seems so strange to be coming from me. I have fought so hard to be independent...an individual. I never thought I'd let someone so far into my life...love someone so much...it scares me sometimes. Today I got a notice from the DMV that my Driver's License is going to expire on my birthday. I've never gotten one of those before. I always changed my name or my address before one of those notes arrived. In April we will have been married for 8 years and known each other for 9. Can that be real? Almost 1/4 of my life has been with Tom. (I still hate the phrase 'love of my life', though...I DO NOT refer to Tom as that...it feels trite, cliche)
It is also odd. So much of my life I would never have guessed. If someone told me that this is where I would be, who I would be with, what I would be doing, even 10 years ago...I don't think I would have believed it. I think I believed I would be single. Maybe I thought that is what I deserved. Singledom was fine, though. I had a life I liked and then there was Tom. He has done nothing but encourage me to be who I am. When I wasn't looking, or even expecting to look, God dropped this person into my life and it all changed. Isn't that just like God?????
On a different note. The Dr. thinks I'm depressed...I think he's a pain. He had me on 1 anti-depressant and it was making me manic...depressed. Great, huh? The anti-depressant made me depressed. So he switched me to Zoloft...my friend from '96. I don't think I'm depressed. I think my CFS is in full swing and it's making me crazy. I'm tired of not feeling well and 'no one' believing me. It seems that the Dr just keeps finding more wrong with me or trying to 'explain away' CFS.
I think the break is what I need. I love work and the kids make the day an adventure; but, I feel so tired and heavy. I feel so bad that I haven't stayed on top of things the what I should this year. I look forward to sleeping and spending time with Tom. Maybe a quiet, nothing break is perfect after all
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