This just made me smile;-)

The show is over...

Last night was closing night for the fall production, Up the Down Staircase.
Sometimes I wonder why I am drawn to a certain show at a certian time. I wonder if the kids learn as much as I do during the process. This week was a little surreal. THe show went well. Attendance was down a little, about 270 total...nothing to frown about though!
As I watched the show develop I wondered which teacher I was like. Am I Sylvia? Bea? Paul? McCabe? I also had to ask myself if I am a good teacher. Am I helping my students? Are they learning? I want to be a good teacher...no that isn't true. I want to be a great teacher. I want to make a difference. But, is that selfish?
There are a number of things that happened this week that really hurt, though. Some people did some very hurtful and mean things. Why do I take these things so seriously? Sometimes I feel like if I could make myself not care it would be easier. But is easier what I want?
I hear sylvia talk about teaching because she wants to make a difference in the life of a child. That could be me speaking. I want to make a difference. Sometimes I wonder if I am.
We were circled up before the last show and we were sharing this time. So many of the kids said so many amazing things. I was humbled. I reflect on these sometime. Sometimes I am afraid that I'm doing this for the wrong reasons. Am I doing this job for them or am I doing it for me...I hope it is the former.
I know I am suffering from production hang-over...post-production stress disorder. Maybe that's what it is...
I do hope the kids know I love them dearly and that I am so proud of them. They did an awesome job and touched so many people. They make the difference in the life of a teacher.

The letter that made my day...

I received this letter from a wonderful friend this week. As I read it I couldn't help but cry. So many talk about 'these kids today' and 'how bad teens are'; however, every day I get to witness what is good, true and right with 'those teens'...obviously my friend does as well. My students teach me so much every day...and these students (living about 12 hours from where I do) have taught me as well.
May I never grow too old to learn...

Hey all,

Hang with me on this one folks…. It’s worth it. On Friday night, Michael Marks from Hattiesburg High School in Mississippi emailed me a script for a new show they are trying to produce: The Katrina Project; Hell or High Water. It is based on survivors’ stories from the Katrina Disaster and uses the same techniques that the Tectonic Theatre Project used to create “The Laramie Project” Their school has approximately 200 New Orleans evacuees as new students, a great deal of their own students displaced or without permanent homes, and their shop was devastated, although their school was spared. The school and theatre represents a point of stability for those still dealing with the aftermath of Katrina. Michael and his students had no way of creating a set for their show and were seeking help in doing so…Their show is December 3rd.

Now I get to brag on my students: When I told them about the situation these fellow theatre students were facing, they responded by saying, “why don’t we build the set for them?” I wasn’t sure we could do it. I didn’t want to take time away from prepping for state, and I certainly didn’t want to spend the week doing another set for a show that we weren’t even doing. They convinced me. They offered to work around the clock, and were as good as their offer.


I spent Saturday developing a concept for the scene design, and Sunday developing shop drawings.

Monday rolls around and I had 24 students show up for after school work on the “new Orleans” set. We worked until 10pm.

By the end of the day we had the biggest part of the set built, the secondary elements started, and a very tired crew.

Tuesday – we worked some during the day, but all afterschool stuff was cancelled due to weather. I worked for a little while, but got little done without my crew.

Wednesday – 30 students show up afterschool and we work late again. Now we have a dressed set for the major pieces, the smaller elements are in process and we are rolling along.

Thursday – Scott (one of the directors), from Hattiesburg is going to be here by three…I have never seen a group of kids more motivated. They worked their little butts off. I am so proud of them. We not only did a last minute design change, but created a whole new set element that was needed in a little under 6 hours.

Scott shows up…At first he was very quiet and said little. I thought he was disappointed in the set. He later told me that he didn’t want to cry in front of my students because he was so overwhelmed by what they had done for his students. He told me stories about the kids of New Orleans and what they have gone through…the devastation of homes, and lives along the coast and in his area, as well as the hope they had…


Tonight, we rehearsed our play for the first time since district. It was fine. Not great but fine…

Tonight, I learned more from my students than I think they will ever learn from me. Tonight, they told me that they are more proud of the fact that we created a set in three days, for total strangers, just because they needed it…and that they were ok with however our play did as long as the kids from Hattiesburg did well.

Tonight, I was taught a lesson in humility and grace by a group of teenagers, who could have been selfish, who could have been anything but willing to sacrifice. Instead, they gave of themselves and created something for someone else.

Isn’t that what theatre is really all about?

You give of yourself and create something for someone else. We never see the shows we are in, or that we stage manage, or that we run as set crew. We only see the audience afterwards and gauge our success by them.


My students taught me a lesson in humility, compassion, and what being a TRUE theatre artist really means.


“be true to thine own self” has never meant more to me than tonight when I watched my students leave after they finished the last details on someone else’s set…

Driving home

I left the school today around 5:30pm (a 10.5 hour day). It was lightly raining and the sun was setting. Actually it was quite nice and pretty outside. When I pulled my car out of its parking space I looked up to see a beautiful rainbow framed in my windshield. The full rainbow was easily seen and all of the colors were perfectly shown against the grey-blue sky. WOW...AMAZING! Words don't seem to be enough to capture all that was there. I wonder how many people saw it and took the time to wonder at what a miracle it was.
I guess every time I see a rainbow I have to think back to Noah and God's promise to us all. How can people look to the sky, see something like that and still claim there is no God??? All I could do was praise him for all of his creation all the way home. I couldn't stop myself from singing!!!
Speaking of creations...I witnessed a beautiful one this weekend. I held a 12 day old baby, my niece 'Sarala Joy'. What a miracle she is. Sarala's sister, Kellyn, is such a miracle as well. Spending time with the girls and their mom and dad (my sister/wonderful friend and her husband) just filled my heart with such affirmation and love. I really can't wait to get to go back for another visit soon.
My drive home from their home was similar to today. I was filled with such awe and love. I felt God's presence in such a big way. I saw a deer along the road on the way home and was struck by how beautiful it was...how amazing all of God's creations are. My heart was overflowing with prayer and song!

Going to Grad School

I've been praying for the opportunity to go to Grad school for some time now. Since I got my BA I knew I wanted to go farther. I felt like God wanted me to do more. It has been quite a journey, though. I struggled to know what the degree should be in and have changed my mind a number of times!!! Then I knew...theatre. Everything started to point me to where I am today.
I am exctied, and humbled, to be one the "first years" in FSU's Theatre Studies program. There are times I still struggle to tune out the many 'negative messages' I was fed over the years. College was such a bad time in my life. So many of the lessons I learned there were ones about how 'wrong' I was. In the name of christianity they did such damage. Other things have reinforced the negative as well. It is God's grace and love that is undoing these things.
So in a matter of weeks I will be heading to FSU for my first summer. Last week
I received the reading list for one of my classes (History and Literature). 26 different pieces and all of them will be covered. I admit it has me a bit scared. Tracking down all of the works has been a bit overwhelming; however, God is good. He has guided me to almost every one of them. With this list everything feels very official. I am really going.
I am a little scared that I won't be capable. Will I be able to do this? I would really like to graduate with honors (it's a personal thing...college scars). Is it selfish to want that? I know God won't put me in any situation I can't handle without Him...but I'm still nervous.
I also have to find a place to live:-\ That is one of my big things for this week. Find housing for the summer. Well, God has brought me this far and if he can provide for the Isrealites on their journey to the promised land, he can take care of one freaked out post-graduate student.

Charlie Reese's ignorance

The following syndicated article appeared in my paper today. I'm still fuming over this! At least they put it on the "Opinion" page but I find his views to be totally off and insulting. It's this very kind of thinking that is causing many of the problems at my school right now!

Art Not Creative (or Real Creativity for Mankind)
by Charley Reese
http://www.lewrockwell.com/reese/reese-arch.html

In our time, the word "creative" is most often applied to the arts. That's a mistake. More creativity is to be found in engineering and science than in the arts.

This is evident if you define creativity as thinking of something new. Literature has been around for a long time as poetry, plays and histories. Telling a good story hasn't changed much. Painting and sculpture have also been around a long time, and those techniques are pretty much the same as they always have been. The motion picture is merely a mechanical way of telling a story. Do you know anyone who has improved on the kind of work Michelangelo, Homer, Victor Hugo or William Shakespeare did?

On the other hand, think about the problem of flight. People wanted to fly for a long time, but our bodies are not built for it. It took Wilbur and Orville Wright's applying their brains to the problem to come up with a creative solution that makes heavier-than-air flight possible.

Or take something simpler. The early automobiles had to be started with a hand crank. A tool was inserted at the front of the automobile, and someone had to turn the cylinders of the engine using muscle power to get the gasoline to ignite. A man named Charles Kettering, however, figured out a way to use electrical power to crank the engine. That's creativity.

We are immersed in technical, engineering and scientific creativity, but we tend to take it for granted because there are no television shows like "Engineering Tonight," nor do these creative people hire publicists and go to red-carpet events of mutual back-scratching. In most cases, we don't even know the names of the people who have created all of the products we use every day.

This, I believe, is a serious distortion of our society. Historically, nobody paid much attention to entertainers. It's not that they weren't appreciated, but in the past people recognized that entertainment was a minor amusement and contributed little, if anything, to human problem-solving and human progress. Shipbuilders and architects were viewed as much more important than actors.

Take James Watt, who was born in 1736 in Greenock, Strathclyde, Scotland. This man and his partner developed the improvements to the steam engine that made its use practical in industry. Watt was the man who figured out how to use fossil fuels to do work. It's hard to think of a man who caused a greater change in the human condition. And if you want creativity, how about Alexander Graham Bell and his telephone, or Thomas Edison, who invented the phonograph, the motion-picture camera and the electric light. That's creativity.

We would be far better off if the media and the schools taught children about these kinds of creative people rather than singers and actors, all of whom will be justly forgotten in a few decades. Unfortunately, today most media organizations are owned by large corporate conglomerates – which also mass-produce entertainment, so that there is a whole lot of cross-promotion going on. In the end, however, entertainers produce nothing but temporary distraction.

How many of you know Richard Drew? I'll bet nearly every one of us has some of his inventions in our home. He invented masking tape in 1925 and Scotch Cellulose Tape in 1930, and thus made a struggling company, 3M, into a giant.

A lot of kids can tell you about Vin Diesel, a bouncer turned actor, but how many have ever heard of Rudolph Diesel, who invented the engine in 1897 that today we call a diesel? John Browning was one of the greatest industrial designers of all time, and his weapons are still used by the military today.

Perhaps one day, if we ever restore independence to our news organizations, they will pay more attention to the Nobel Prizes than they do to the Academy Awards and Golden Globes, and more children will aspire to greater things than 15 minutes of fame for nothing.

Tell me quick, who was the most famous movie actor in 1924? Who was the most popular singer in 1923? I don't know either, and nobody cares. Entertainment is an ephemeral art and, like the taste of candy, soon disappears.

Tom's thoughts on life's process

You're born..you are assigned papers to prove who you are and have an
identity...get id's and jewelry...you live and work..you accumulate
"stuff" like a mad pack rat to keep up with or get ahead of the other
pack rats...then you die...all your "stuff" gets sorted, donated, given
away, or otherwise disposed of...there are id cards and jewelry...that's
all that's left...oh, and some paperwork somewhere with your name on it
for the state to have record of your existence...amazingly simple
really...and sad...
Tom e-mailed this to me this morning. I know he is trying to sort through all of his feelings about his mom. This week has been rough. I'm tired from the roller coaster the last approximately 2 years has been like with Sue. I really pray she is at peace, now. We just don't know if she was a Christian or not. There are things that seem to indicate she was and I am resting in that. I pray she is with God now and all of the pain from her whole life is gone.
It is interesting how much of what Tom wrote is mirrored in the morality play "Everyman". Everyman talks with Goods and asks him to go with him to 'make an account'. Goods replies that he cannot, that he belongs to no man. He goes on to talk about how when one person dies, goods simply go to another person. All of our 'things' are simply on loan. We try so hard to accumulate things that validate our worth; yet, God wants us to lay up our treasures in heaven. When our time has come, the only thing we do take with us are the things we have done in this life.
It is really food for thought. What am I doing for God in this life? Am I storing up treasures in heaven or stockpiling junk in this world?

at peace...

Mildred Sue Chance (aka 'Sue', 'Mom') my mother-in-law died this morning at about 5:40am.
May she finally be at peace...

This life

My mother-in-law is terminally ill with cancer. She has been in a nursing home for about 3 weeks now. Her decline in that time has been awful to witness. She doesn't even look alive right now. They say she isn't in any pain but isn't that just because they have her meds set so high? She sleeps almost all of the time. They say she eats almost nothing each day. She is having trouble with the most basic things, like swallowing. When I went to sit with her today I saw they had started giving her oxygen. She doesn't know I'm there. One of the aids said they were surprised she was still 'with us'...Honestly, I am too. I know she wouldn't like being like this. It was so painful to just sit and know there was nothing I could do but pray...So I did. Her brother, Ken, says she/we should be celebrating....Embracing this next 'phase' of life. How can one celebrate a woman who is wasting away from this illness????? She can barely move. He also said we could have a miracle and she could recover...I know and believe God could do this if he choose to, but I don't think this is going to happen in this case. He went on to talk about how she would have to deal with morphine addiction then. All I could think at this was...WHAT?!?!?! If she was to beat this there would be so much more than a morphine addiction to deal with. Ken 'fussed' at my husband for cleaning out "Mom's" home and getting ready to put it up for sale (again, with the what if she lives???). We are trying to be realistic. Doing this cleaning right now while she is 'alive' is a bit easier on Tom. Having something to do is helping him as well. When she goes it is going to be so hard for him. They had an odd relationship; however, as he has said, she is his mother. When she dies, I know he will feel alone. His step-dad died when he was about 16 and his grandfather died when he was 12 or so. His beloved grandmother died in May 2004 and he has no siblings. He did/does have a couple of step-brothers; however, they were never really close and really maintained no relationship after his step-dad passed away. He has an aunt, but she has never been close to either him or his mom (her sister). Actually, his mom and his aunt don't get along at all...never have from what I've been told. Otherwise there is Ken, the uncle. I've never met him. Tom likes him OK but he does get so frustrated by him. Maybe Ken thinks he is being supportive and helpful but it isn't. I feel like we are in such limbo. I don't know what I should do...
On another topic. I hate it when something innocent is made to be something wrong. I got 'accused' of something that isn't true. There isn't an good/easy way to fix the problem so I just get to sit and wait and pray...and kick myself for being stupid. I try to do the right thing and then it goes wrong.....grrrr. I just hope the thing is allowed to go away and nothing more is made of it, which would just make things worse! I did what I could to make the wrong right as best as I could. If I can just get through the next 4 weeks, I get a vacation and that may be the best thing of all.

Birthday venting

Ok...so yesterday was my birthday. Accepting the 'getting a year older' part was OK. What bothered me was the way so many of my 'friends' behaved. I had to be at a meeting (since Friday) for an organization I belonged to and my friends were more interested in "hanging out with each other and bonding" than doing anything. As I write this I know it sounds petty and selfish and I know I'm not explaining it well at all.(you would have had to be there to experience it) I guess putting down all the details is a little to raw and painful. One of my closest friends treated me like I was just a bother. We roomed together, like we always do when we go to these meetings. Normally we make the time to go to dinner, just talk or the like while we are gone since we don't get to see each other that often. This time she was always 'just stepping out for a minute' and kept doing jobs that are supposed to be my responsibility. She kept running down to another friends room to 'talk' or 'bond'. It was made abundantly clear I wasn't invited or wanted at these pow-wow's. I also caught her saying things that just aren't true! (I hate being lied to) It felt like that middle school clique mentality all over again. I know I'm over sensative to things right now, my mother-in-law is termanilly ill and taking care of her is taking its toll, but it just felt like I was being treated like less of a human. Like I was somthing that 'just happened to them'. The thing that hurts the most is these people are supposed to be my friends and more and more over the last 4-5 months I have been the group 'out cast' or 'misfit'. I guess this is what it feel like to be 'voted off of the island'...I only wish I knew why I was the one selected.
I got home that evening and got two precious hours with my husband, he works shift work and is on mids this week. Then I ran of to go to a birthday party for someone I know. Is is lame to attend a birthday party for someone else on you own birthday????? That party was the best part of my day. (is that the worst part of the whole thing???)
It hurts that my own family didn't even call, e-mail or anything. I know I am the 'family black sheep' but it is just one more case how I just don't belong. When they e-mailed me a week or ago to see if I was 'available' on my birthday it was like I was bother. They actually said that they had another obligation on that day and wanted to know if they would have to miss being at that because of me. Was I wrong to be hurt? I had told them no less than 6 times since August that I had this meeting in on my birthday yet they didn't remember. My own brother didn't bother to even send an e-mail. I'm sure it is OK for him to do that because 'he is so busy'. You know...I am busy too!!!!! I work a 50-60 hour a week job, am a wife, help with my dying mother-in-law, am there for my students as much as possible, deal with a problem adminstration, etc. I remembered to send him e-mails on his birthday and made sure he got a gift and card. My parents made sure they had time for him. (they arrange their schedule every fall to be with him) They went to visit him and his wife for his birthday. They want me to come to them. They have been to my house twice since I moved here: once to deliver a piece of furnature because they were driving through this way and the second time to berate me for 3-4 hours on what a disappointment I was and threaten to disown me.
My students remembered it was my birthday. They are the ones who called and left messages. Two friends who live out of town and have known me for years sent e-mail. My husband remembered and made sure he got me things I would like. And that was about it.
It was one of the worst birthday's I have ever had, and I have had some really rotten ones. I think this one was in the top 5 of the worst. I hope it was no indication on how this year is going to be! If it is going to be a bad as yesterday was I don't think I'll get out of bed for the next year!!!! On the other hand, maybe yesterday will be the worst and the rest of the year will be fabulous! Yes, I'll try to think that way. I'll pray that God gives me the best year I can possibly have and that this time next year I will be able to write on how amazing the day was and what good memories I have of an amazing and exciting year.
I think it is also time to pray for some new friends...

Val-a-grams

Monday was Valentine's Day. My student's and I decided to sell carnations as a fund raiser and I had a flashback to my own high school days. Does anyone remember Val-a-grams? I remember buying those carnations for my friends and for that 'special guy' I really wanted to ask me out. I remember picking my words carefully as I filled out the heart-shaped card that would be attached. The morning of Valentine's Day I would dress with care, wanting to look my absolute best in case "someone" would finally ask me out. I imagined getting carnations and what those little hart cards would say. I couldn't wait for my friends to get theirs and know they were important to me. "That guy" never did ask me out. I usually did get at least one carnation from someone, especially from the guy that wanted me to be his "special someone". Sometimes other gifts were given and received as well. On Monday I thought about the kids who wanted that simple token and didn't receive it. My wonderful husband always sends me flowers (roses and carnations this year) with a note attached. He wantes me to know he cares. (he's special like that) Some of the students look at those, smell them and talk about how lucky I am. They want 'someone special' to love them. So many of them are lonely, empty, looking. I wish they could know that God loves them and wants to give them more than a carnation with a heart attached.

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