(an excerpt from my devotions this morning...)
I am thanking God that unto us a Child was born. I am thanking Him also that there was a pure-hearted woman prepared to receive that Child with all that motherhood would mean of daily trust, daily dependence, daily obedience. I thank Him for her silence. That spirit is not in me at all, not naturally. I want to learn what she had learned so early: the deep guarding in her heart of each event, mulling over its meaning from God, waiting in silence for His word to her.
I want to learn, too, that it is not an extraordinary spirituality that makes one refuse to do ordinary work, but a wish to prove that one is not ordinary--which is a dead giveaway of spiritual conceit. I want to respond in unhesitating obedience as she did: Anything You say, Lord.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Saturday, November 16, 2019
Monday, June 10, 2013
Thoughts and ponderings
Really do need to write more often. Life has become a crazy turmoil of thoughts and occurrences.
The plant is what it is. Tom has a contract for 18-24 months. I know it is what he wanted. After that...who knows?
I have a job, although it is fraught with problems. Another new principal, this brings the total for the school to 5 in 15 years. Two new assistant principals, I'm not even going to start thinking about how many that makes for the last 15 years. Life total of principals is now 12 and assistant principals has to be up to 25-30 now. More teachers coming and going at the school. More change and adjustments to the school.
I know Tom has thought about getting a job back at 4&5. I don't feel that great about that choice. It would give him what he thinks he wants. He's also thinking it would allow him to retire in 10 or so years. He has said he would probably always work at something but with this county seemingly dying, what would he do? If we stayed, it would probably mean my having to stay at the school for at least 20-25 more years. I can't picture doing what I'm doing right now for that long. Job prospects in this area, especially in my field, are slim to non-existant. The project I've been quietly working on for the last 3-5 years doesn't seem to be making headway. There seems to constantly be things coming up to stand in the way. The area we were looking at is being hit by the recession and it seems to have finally settled in there. I have faith, but I'm also being realistic.
Feeling like if we stay it will also mean staying in this house. It's an ok house. It isn't something Tom and I picked together, though. I would like something that fit our needs a bit better. It would also be a good thing to get away from the neighbors. Issues there continue. It seems they don't want us to leave the house. Just recently we learned they don't think we should walk our dog on the street. The harassment continues. Most recently we had to call the police...again. We learned they had lied about us...again. The sheriff sided with them! It seems they can do what they like and we are forced to tolerate it as best we can.
Trying to sort through some odds and ends. Weird things keep popping up. Tired of feeling so tired all of the time. Tired of not being able to get the best sleep, either.
Leaving for Phoenix in just over a week. Maybe a change of scenery is what I need to see things clearly.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Really need to post here more...
It's been over a year since I last posted here. Really need to get back into the habit of writing here. There is quite a bit going on and I 'need' a place to think things out.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Dum Dum devotion
I read this this morning. This is something I am really struggling with right now. Work is frustrating and so often it feels like I'm "going through the motions" down there. I'm exhausted and really don't understand why I am still at the school. There are students I like, there are teachers I like. Taken as a whole, though, it isn't the best environment. This school year has taken its toll on me. I feel worn down, weary, exhausted, burned out. For some reason, though, God is not done with me and with my job there...yet. There have been glimmers in the past. He does know what is best. He knows what I need. I know he is making my way perfect and will release me from that place when HIS timing is complete and perfect. In the mean time, my job is to serve Him. My job is to seek Him. My job is to live my life for Him. In doing my job to the best of my ability (and with a cheerful heart) is accepting the gift (the lollipop) he has given.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dum Dums
By Christine Hoover | Mar 26, 2012 04:00 am
My bank teller must be a dad.
Every time I go to the bank, he gives my children the exact same colored lollipops. I’ve never asked him to do this, but, without fail, he digs through the lollipop basket until he finds a matching set of Dum Dum lollipops.
He must be a dad because he knows about the fight he is saving me. The one where each of my boys are eyeing the lollipops they don't have rather than enjoying the one they do. The one where they whine for their favorite color. The one in which they are not satisfied until they have what their sibling has.
As I drive away from the bank’s drive-through window, I inwardly thank this man, and I think about this picture of human jealousy: envious, controlling, domineering, possessive, and self-focused.
God is a Dad, but he is not like my bank teller.
He gives lollipops out to everyone, but he does not give them equally or similarly. He gives them perfectly, however, and until we trust that, we’ll be dissatisfied with what we’ve been given.
As a Father, God knows his kids’ tendency to want what their siblings have. It's hard not wanting the bright pink lollipop when we’re given the brown one. But unlike our spiteful jealousy, God’s jealousy for us says, “I absolutely know what is best for you and I want you to have it. Because I love you, I will not give you anything less than my best. However, what I give you is going to be different than what I give that person you are comparing yourself to.” He lifts our eyes up to him and away from watching others and reminds us that he has perfectly and strategically given us our gifts, talents, and ministries.
Romans 8:28 reminds us that God is always working things for good on our behalf:
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
“What a power would be unleashed in your life and mind if we really believed that the almighty God, whose counsel cannot be frustrated, is this very minute, busily at work making sure that what happens to us this afternoon and tomorrow at home and at work is only what is best for us!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dum Dums
By Christine Hoover | Mar 26, 2012 04:00 am
My bank teller must be a dad.
Every time I go to the bank, he gives my children the exact same colored lollipops. I’ve never asked him to do this, but, without fail, he digs through the lollipop basket until he finds a matching set of Dum Dum lollipops.
He must be a dad because he knows about the fight he is saving me. The one where each of my boys are eyeing the lollipops they don't have rather than enjoying the one they do. The one where they whine for their favorite color. The one in which they are not satisfied until they have what their sibling has.
As I drive away from the bank’s drive-through window, I inwardly thank this man, and I think about this picture of human jealousy: envious, controlling, domineering, possessive, and self-focused.
God is a Dad, but he is not like my bank teller.
He gives lollipops out to everyone, but he does not give them equally or similarly. He gives them perfectly, however, and until we trust that, we’ll be dissatisfied with what we’ve been given.
As a Father, God knows his kids’ tendency to want what their siblings have. It's hard not wanting the bright pink lollipop when we’re given the brown one. But unlike our spiteful jealousy, God’s jealousy for us says, “I absolutely know what is best for you and I want you to have it. Because I love you, I will not give you anything less than my best. However, what I give you is going to be different than what I give that person you are comparing yourself to.” He lifts our eyes up to him and away from watching others and reminds us that he has perfectly and strategically given us our gifts, talents, and ministries.
Romans 8:28 reminds us that God is always working things for good on our behalf:
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
“What a power would be unleashed in your life and mind if we really believed that the almighty God, whose counsel cannot be frustrated, is this very minute, busily at work making sure that what happens to us this afternoon and tomorrow at home and at work is only what is best for us!"
Saturday, March 24, 2012
New toy!
For quite a while I have wanted a sewing machine. I learned to sew when I was younger and made a few things. In grad school, the costume shop had Bernina machines and they were AWESOME!!! Working with Colleen, Marsha and Claire really ignited the desire to sew and create. I discovered I remembered so much of what I had learned when I was younger. Things flowed easily. I enjoyed being in the costume shop. I wished we had more time there and had been able to work on other projects.
Tom has patiently listened to my musings. Finally he offered to get me a sewing machine and a surger if I cleared off my desk in our study. My desk has become a bit of a dumping ground. So I dreamed of Bernina machines and surgers and kept pushing stuff around my desk. For Christmas he got me some wonderful black and pink fabric to use to make a skirt. The desk still remained covered in stuff.
So, this past week I saw an ad for sewing machines and showed it to Tom. Yesterday he surprised me with a teacher model Singer sewing machine and accessories!!! He said he knew I would get my desk cleared and I would have something to look forward to playing with this summer.
I can't wait to try to make some things this summer! I have a couple skirts I have really wanted to pattern (they are my favorite skirts). I would love to learn to make vests/waistcoats as well.
In truth, having this machine will allow me to create clothing I love. It will be cheaper than sorting through stuff and not finding much I like. I'm excited about the prospects!
I'm so blessed to have a husband who loves me, encourages me, and accepts me for exactly who I am!!!
Tom has patiently listened to my musings. Finally he offered to get me a sewing machine and a surger if I cleared off my desk in our study. My desk has become a bit of a dumping ground. So I dreamed of Bernina machines and surgers and kept pushing stuff around my desk. For Christmas he got me some wonderful black and pink fabric to use to make a skirt. The desk still remained covered in stuff.
So, this past week I saw an ad for sewing machines and showed it to Tom. Yesterday he surprised me with a teacher model Singer sewing machine and accessories!!! He said he knew I would get my desk cleared and I would have something to look forward to playing with this summer.
I can't wait to try to make some things this summer! I have a couple skirts I have really wanted to pattern (they are my favorite skirts). I would love to learn to make vests/waistcoats as well.
In truth, having this machine will allow me to create clothing I love. It will be cheaper than sorting through stuff and not finding much I like. I'm excited about the prospects!
I'm so blessed to have a husband who loves me, encourages me, and accepts me for exactly who I am!!!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
2011-a year in review
I don't normally do a meme for the new year. As I reflected on this past year, I though I would.
January: The year started reasonably enough. Tom and I had the NPD car show at Silver Springs and had a nice time. Didn't win anything but my '67 got a lot of attention. Started a new semester at work and that brought a new batch of kids. Had one of the best English 3 classes I've had in years. Had a small English 1 grade forgive class. Struggled with the "dump all Drama classes into one" the school keeps doing to me. Ended up deciding to do an incorporated project for Drama and we studied "Our Town", I think that project went fairly well. On the 27th my brother and sister-in-law (and Amelia!) welcomed Knox Richard James into their family.
February: Valentine's Day, my Birthday, FCAT. Worked a lot. Cast the spring show and started rehearsing. Had some blood work done and the endocrinologist thought we had my thyroid levels under control with medication. My GP wanted me to start taking some additional medication but I resisted, I just wasn't comfortable with taking it then.
March: 3rd quarter exams. Spring Break (where I basically slept the whole time). Rehearsals continued. Adopted a new Black and Tan coonhound (Annabel Lee) and she is amazing. We knew we would know when it was time to get a new dog and God sent us Bellee
April: Rehearsal increased and the show was the end of April. Tom and I celebrated our 13th anniversary. Got word Uncle Bill (Dad's brother) had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Granny fell and broke her other hip, requiring surgery. During the Spring show I got work Uncle Bill went home to be with the Lord. Continued to have problems with DE the AP (she walked out of the spring show twice and trash talked me and my kids).
May: Went to Uncle Bill's Celebration of Life. Graded research projects. Officially learned I was losing my classroom and black box theatre. Got torn to shreds in an evaluation and after 5 years of DE the AP's 'issues' addressed the problems with 'The Boss'. Learned DE the AP had been reassigned to the Renaissance Center (school for 'problem students') and she was getting her 'wish' to be a Principal (this is a bit of a 'be careful what you wish for' situation). Had the Broken Leg banquet and said good bye to another group I cared deeply about. Went to another graduation (in the miserable heat). Started packing and moving my home on campus (death #2). Ended my 12th school year at CRHS.
June: Tried to recover from the school year. Wasn't feeling well. Spent at least a week working with Cate on the 'sooper seekrit' project. Met people in Dunnellon. Karen contacts me about Mom and Dad's address. She wants to send Dad a plant for Father's Day. (this is a big deal) Mom turned 68(?)
July: went to St. Maarten for a week with Mom and Dad. Wish I could go back to that condo on Simpson Bay at least once a year. It was such a beautiful place and I really loved sitting on the balcony (either the small one off my room or the big one off the main section) and reading or looking at the water/boats/planes take off or land or watch the sunset or watch the rain showers move. St. Maarten was a wonderful experience. Started getting ready for a new school year. Got my hair trimmed and colored (note to self...don't wait 10 months between trim and coloring) Dad had a cancer scare.
August: started school year #13 at CRHS. Stuff was missing that was supposed to be moved. The new construction isn't everything it was 'supposed' to be. My room is very small and doesn't begin to meet the needs of my subject. They forced me to teach 2 English 3 classes and only 1 Drama class. Was given no time to move out of my old space and lost about 85% of what we owned, the program will never recover from that. Was given a number of challenging students (an autistic, an ESOL, several very low learners). Started having lunch with another teacher and one of the aids. Have to start going to training mandated by the county. Lots of changes going on. Got closer to Bri after knowing her for about 2 years. Going on a Spring Break cruise with Mom, Dad and Karen. Tom working on SD A LOT. Planning to have the car done by October 2012. Angela turned 34. Granny turned 92.
September: Granny passed away on September 10 while Mom and Dad were in Italy. Amelia turned 3 on the 13th and had her first 'real' birthday party on the 16. Mom and Dad came back to the states on the 15 and I took 6 days off work to help. Went to GA with family to have Granny's funeral during that time. Very different experience from Uncle Bill's. Returned to work to Homecoming week and then end of the first 9 weeks. Exhausted most of the time. John turned 33.
October: End of the first 9 weeks. Tom turned 51. Mom and Dad celebrated 47 years of marriage. Started working on Districts one act and tried to get the kids working on their IE's. Work feels off so much of the time. Anji has a birthday. Started formulating a project for next semester for the production, going to be a production and a community service project.
November: Finally had a holiday and then a week off. Working on research papers. Sarah and then Dad and Aunt Jane have a birthday. Karen making gestures to become close to Mom, Dad and me. Karen needing to get away from her Mom. Karen admits to us she is an alcoholic (we knew but she told us) and is recovering. Judged an event for Cate.
December: Districts where the kids did better than the scores reflect but I got to know a couple wonderful parents and one of the staff from work. Districts also kicked the kids into wanting to change things. Am hopeful this will follow through. Had a Christmas party with the kids. Another set of research projects due. Jeff, James, Jimmy, Luke, Savannah and Derek all have birthday's. Second quarter exams. Losing an English 3 class I really likes (2 in one year!). Losing an English 3 class that wasn't that good (with all the problem students). Finished a Drama class with all sorts of problems. Spent 2 weeks recovering from the year. Went back to the endocrinologist and are trying a different mix on medication. Weight has crept up and am going to try to get back into my exercise regiment next year. Had hair cut and colored. Got bedroom set from Mom and Dad (but Tom would only take the bed frame and night stands...ugh). Mom and Dad moved into a 'retirement community'.
So it felt like a year of stress and loss. There were some bright spots but it felt like more valleys than mountain tops. Glad to have it gone. Praying 2012 is better. Praying for doors to open and for opportunities to afford themselves. Maybe I'll write out some goals for 2012. There are some things I am excited about happening in 2012...honestly, don't know I could handle many more years like this one!
January: The year started reasonably enough. Tom and I had the NPD car show at Silver Springs and had a nice time. Didn't win anything but my '67 got a lot of attention. Started a new semester at work and that brought a new batch of kids. Had one of the best English 3 classes I've had in years. Had a small English 1 grade forgive class. Struggled with the "dump all Drama classes into one" the school keeps doing to me. Ended up deciding to do an incorporated project for Drama and we studied "Our Town", I think that project went fairly well. On the 27th my brother and sister-in-law (and Amelia!) welcomed Knox Richard James into their family.
February: Valentine's Day, my Birthday, FCAT. Worked a lot. Cast the spring show and started rehearsing. Had some blood work done and the endocrinologist thought we had my thyroid levels under control with medication. My GP wanted me to start taking some additional medication but I resisted, I just wasn't comfortable with taking it then.
March: 3rd quarter exams. Spring Break (where I basically slept the whole time). Rehearsals continued. Adopted a new Black and Tan coonhound (Annabel Lee) and she is amazing. We knew we would know when it was time to get a new dog and God sent us Bellee
April: Rehearsal increased and the show was the end of April. Tom and I celebrated our 13th anniversary. Got word Uncle Bill (Dad's brother) had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Granny fell and broke her other hip, requiring surgery. During the Spring show I got work Uncle Bill went home to be with the Lord. Continued to have problems with DE the AP (she walked out of the spring show twice and trash talked me and my kids).
May: Went to Uncle Bill's Celebration of Life. Graded research projects. Officially learned I was losing my classroom and black box theatre. Got torn to shreds in an evaluation and after 5 years of DE the AP's 'issues' addressed the problems with 'The Boss'. Learned DE the AP had been reassigned to the Renaissance Center (school for 'problem students') and she was getting her 'wish' to be a Principal (this is a bit of a 'be careful what you wish for' situation). Had the Broken Leg banquet and said good bye to another group I cared deeply about. Went to another graduation (in the miserable heat). Started packing and moving my home on campus (death #2). Ended my 12th school year at CRHS.
June: Tried to recover from the school year. Wasn't feeling well. Spent at least a week working with Cate on the 'sooper seekrit' project. Met people in Dunnellon. Karen contacts me about Mom and Dad's address. She wants to send Dad a plant for Father's Day. (this is a big deal) Mom turned 68(?)
July: went to St. Maarten for a week with Mom and Dad. Wish I could go back to that condo on Simpson Bay at least once a year. It was such a beautiful place and I really loved sitting on the balcony (either the small one off my room or the big one off the main section) and reading or looking at the water/boats/planes take off or land or watch the sunset or watch the rain showers move. St. Maarten was a wonderful experience. Started getting ready for a new school year. Got my hair trimmed and colored (note to self...don't wait 10 months between trim and coloring) Dad had a cancer scare.
August: started school year #13 at CRHS. Stuff was missing that was supposed to be moved. The new construction isn't everything it was 'supposed' to be. My room is very small and doesn't begin to meet the needs of my subject. They forced me to teach 2 English 3 classes and only 1 Drama class. Was given no time to move out of my old space and lost about 85% of what we owned, the program will never recover from that. Was given a number of challenging students (an autistic, an ESOL, several very low learners). Started having lunch with another teacher and one of the aids. Have to start going to training mandated by the county. Lots of changes going on. Got closer to Bri after knowing her for about 2 years. Going on a Spring Break cruise with Mom, Dad and Karen. Tom working on SD A LOT. Planning to have the car done by October 2012. Angela turned 34. Granny turned 92.
September: Granny passed away on September 10 while Mom and Dad were in Italy. Amelia turned 3 on the 13th and had her first 'real' birthday party on the 16. Mom and Dad came back to the states on the 15 and I took 6 days off work to help. Went to GA with family to have Granny's funeral during that time. Very different experience from Uncle Bill's. Returned to work to Homecoming week and then end of the first 9 weeks. Exhausted most of the time. John turned 33.
October: End of the first 9 weeks. Tom turned 51. Mom and Dad celebrated 47 years of marriage. Started working on Districts one act and tried to get the kids working on their IE's. Work feels off so much of the time. Anji has a birthday. Started formulating a project for next semester for the production, going to be a production and a community service project.
November: Finally had a holiday and then a week off. Working on research papers. Sarah and then Dad and Aunt Jane have a birthday. Karen making gestures to become close to Mom, Dad and me. Karen needing to get away from her Mom. Karen admits to us she is an alcoholic (we knew but she told us) and is recovering. Judged an event for Cate.
December: Districts where the kids did better than the scores reflect but I got to know a couple wonderful parents and one of the staff from work. Districts also kicked the kids into wanting to change things. Am hopeful this will follow through. Had a Christmas party with the kids. Another set of research projects due. Jeff, James, Jimmy, Luke, Savannah and Derek all have birthday's. Second quarter exams. Losing an English 3 class I really likes (2 in one year!). Losing an English 3 class that wasn't that good (with all the problem students). Finished a Drama class with all sorts of problems. Spent 2 weeks recovering from the year. Went back to the endocrinologist and are trying a different mix on medication. Weight has crept up and am going to try to get back into my exercise regiment next year. Had hair cut and colored. Got bedroom set from Mom and Dad (but Tom would only take the bed frame and night stands...ugh). Mom and Dad moved into a 'retirement community'.
So it felt like a year of stress and loss. There were some bright spots but it felt like more valleys than mountain tops. Glad to have it gone. Praying 2012 is better. Praying for doors to open and for opportunities to afford themselves. Maybe I'll write out some goals for 2012. There are some things I am excited about happening in 2012...honestly, don't know I could handle many more years like this one!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Howard Jones interview
One of my friends sent me this link because they remembered HoJo was one of my favorite artists!
SQUEE!!!
SQUEE!!!
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